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I received a bridal shower invitation with “Cash Please Shower” written in at the bottom. This is the second such invitation I’ve received (from the same person but for different brides) in the past couple of years. I find this tacky and offensive. Why not just write “bring your money because that’s all we’re interested in”. When I give a gift I enjoy the creativity of the whole process. What would I think would be important for a bride to have, etc., I like to put some thought into it. When I got married I received china, crystal and linen, and I think of those people many years later with warm thoughts because their beautiful gifts are still with me and they are things I never ever would have bought for myself. I asked a number of people I work with about this and apparently its a growing trend. As far as I’m concerned to demand cash on the invitation is bold and an abuse of the whole tradition of bridal showers. It also excludes folks who feel any cash they could afford to give wouldn’t be enough. It instantly tells the bride to be how much each and every person spent, which should be a private matter of the giver. Often times people can come up with a beautiful gift without having spent a lot of money because of their connections, talents or ability to shop. Please let me know your thoughts.
Do not be cowed into giving cash, as doing so will send the message this is acceptable. Gift as you normally would. We will hope the poor behavior exhibited thus far will not continue, but be prepared that it may. The hostess of this shower and the bride are to be pitied.
I’m sure the host of the shower didn’t have bad intentions–a lot of newlyweds already have everything they need for their home, so it’s just more useful to receive cash that they can put towards something they do need, like renovating their house. I think the problem was in the way that she chose to word this request and put it right on the invitations. I’ve seen people request cash the polite way by making a fund on an online registry using a site like myregistry.com. This way the request is presented in the same way a request for a new toaster or cookware would be on a regular registry. You might want to suggest this to your friend if she hosts a lot of showers.
These online services can be very useful.
I have a similar situation, except this is a birthday party invitation.
Money Tree Birthday Party
I was invited to a birthday party where the person who’s birthday is requested money in lieu of presents, so she can buy specifically what she wanted.
I thought this to be very rude, as it compromises the attendees to disclose a specific dollar amount. Specially in the state of the current economy where people are looking for ways to save money. I’d have been surprised if there was a “Birthday Registry”, but I still would have considered that more acceptable.
With o without the current state of affairs, I think such request must be limited to family members and very close friends, if anyone at all.
Am I incorrect to think this to be rude? Is tthere a polite way to explain why I dissent with such an invitation, or is it better to just decline the invitation altogether?
Simply decline politely and if pressed as to why, respond, “I lost my enthusiasm for it when I was told what to give rather than being able to surprise the birthday girl.”
Two friends of mine consistently have dinner “parties.” Every invite includes a request that guests bring $3-5 to cover the food the hosts paid for. I always decline the invitation politely because being asked to give money to the host leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I do not feel like it is okay to ask guests to bring money. I would gladly bring something like desert or paper napkins as to feel included in the party so that my friends do not have to bear all of the financial weight of entertaining, but I am uncomfortable simply funding someone else’s party. I also feel as though these women ask for too much money and they probably make a profit under the guise of entertaining friends.
I am starting to feel very rude because I have declined so many invitations. Should I continue to decline over and over again? I would like to show them that I do appreciate being included in the fun. Should I suck it up and bring $3? It isn’t that much of a burden. Am I just being stubborn?
In light of your comment below that your friends and their guests are all in college, perhaps it’s more of a matter of finances? I’m not saying that it’s right but my friends and I did something similiar during our univ. days. Someone took on the role of party coordinator and the rest of us pitched in $$ to cover the costs of food and manpower to set up and clean up. For us, this was agreed upon by all so there wasn’t any put-upon feelings. Other times, we did it potluck style.
Perhaps you need to speak with your friends and explain your feelings without making judgements on what they’re doing. Are they coordinating or hosting? Because if they’re coordinating, then I don’t see an issue with the $3-5 contribution. If they’re hosting, then the fee is in poor taste. On the other hand, it may be cheaper for you to pitch in $3 than to make a dessert or salad to contribute. It’d depend on what’s served at these events.
Bottom line, you need to address it somehow before your friends think that you no longer want to be their friend and they stop inviting you. Good luck!
If they can feed a guest dinner for $3, I say pay up or have them cater one for you! In a college environment, I think their behavior is fine. Elsewhere, no. Its up to you to decide if their company trumps the annoyance you are feeling.
I have similarly been invited to a bridal shower (not the actual wedding, however), a baby shower and a baby’s birthday for the same friend and have declined all the invitations, as I was put off by all the gift registry cards which were included in the invites (there were numerous). I found it to be tacky, presumptuous and in poor taste. I can see how traditionally a wedding shower would include mention of a bridal registry, but this friend (or friend’s friend) consistently included gift registries with all her events.
I think gift-receiving has gotten out of hand and I share the same sentiment as the others who have posted her that some people seem to use their parties as excuses to get free things— including money— from their friends. Where did this “entitlement” trend start? I have seen mention of it in blogs and sites such as this only in the last few years. Is this “hosting generation” the “me” generation? If so, I can’t wait for the next generation to mature so that I can attend their parties without feeling manipulated financially.
Grabbing behavior originated in the Garden of Eden and in our modern times of 24/7 media coverage of conspicuously consuming individuals, it has reached epidemic proportions. I can only encourage you to be a beacon of genuine values so those you meet will be the better for it.
It should be noted that the hosts and all of their guests are college students.
I was recently at a 1rst bday party. It was raining heavily outside so the kids were playing inside. My husband started throwing a nerf football in the living room ( very nice by the way). There were about 5 children ranging in age from 3-8 yrs of age. There was a flatscreen tv, windows, pictures, glasses, and a lot of furniture. When I finally realized what was going on and told him to stop he did not seem as if anything was wrong. In fact my husband said “it is no big deal”. I told him to knock it off. When we got home I told him I was embarrassed and he said there was nothing wrong with throwing a ball in someones house. I would not have it in my house so I cannot believe he would do it elsewhere. Am I overreacting?
No, you are not overreacting. He showed a lack of awareness of respectful guest behavior and even worse, set an inappropriate example for young children. He owes the hosts an apology, and you one, too, for not acknowledging his spouse’s discomfort.