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- French Fries – How Do I Eat Them?There are many foods that present a classic dilemma for diners young and old. The question is, “fork or fingers?” The answer is sometimes definitive – you definitely eat your peas and mashed potatoes with a fork. That’s a no-brainer. But how about french fries? It’s a sometimes fingers/sometimes forks answer: If the food the […]
- New Possibilities in a New YearHello All, A new year is an exciting time. It offers all sorts of possibilities and a fresh start. 2012 is particularly exciting in the new possibilities it offers me. After 12 years co-directing the Emily Post Institute with my brother Peter and my sister-in-law Peggy (married to a different brother), I am retiring from management […]
- Happy HolidaysHolidays bring festivities, breaks from routine, and opportunities to spend time with family and friends. We share meals, exchange gifts, and connect with people we see infrequently. I know kids and staff will enjoy a break from the routine school schedule, employees at businesses that take a break during this season will enjoy their time […]
- French Fries – How Do I Eat Them?
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
My nephew and his then bride to be mailed magnets with information on where to shop for the couple. To have a magnet associated with one’s wedding seems in bad taste but the reason I am insulted is the almost demand of a gift, to make things worse the magnets where sent three months before the invitations. My husband thinks I’m over reacting and nixed my gift idea-an etiquette book. What do you think? By the way the wedding was four months ago and we haven’t received any acknowledgement of the gift we sent.
Thanks for sharing this Kathleen. We are often asked the question of what is the best way to spread the word about a couples desires surrounding wedding gifts. This is a matter to be handled carefully or impressions like the one you have been left with can linger. We advise people to make no mention of gifts on the invitation and often advise against elaborate inserts with lots of registry information. The focus should really be on the desire of the couple to share a special day with family and friends. The best way to disseminate information about gift preferences is by word of mouth among friends and family.
I would also note your closing sentence for anyone out there wondering if they have missed the window on sending thank-you notes. While it has clearly been too long already, I am from the better late than never camp and am sorry that this is unresolved for you. I would encourage engaged couples to consider the way you have been left feeling about this wedding as a cautionary tale and to take care with handling wedding gift requests and the thank-yous that must follow.
I have noticed that many, many people have discovered the Continental style of dining–cutting with the knife in the right hand and then eating with the fork in the left hand without switching hands as we do in our American style of dining. This works for meat but when it’s time to eat salads and side dishes, the same diners go back to the American style of switching hands. Consequently, the hands seem to stay on the table as they do with Continental. While this makes sense (as it’s hard to get those pesky vegetables on the back of the fork), it seems we should choose one method or the other. What’s the right thing to do? Am I the only one who notices this?
Hi Kaye. You are not the only one to notice this. You have accurately described what is emerging as a relatively common way of eating in the United States. Combining the continental and American styles makes sense for exactly the reasons that you outline and many people do so. While it might appear unconsidered to someone who was raised with each style having its own distinct tradition and roots there is nothing wrong with eating like this if one does it neatly and without a great deal of fuss. If I remember my history correctly, the American style is actually the style of European dining popular at the time when Americans were copying European manners. The European style evolved to the form we know as continental today while Americans retained the older habit of switching the knife and fork hand between cutting and taking a bite. It is not surprising to me that this convention is passing as time goes on, again for the practical reasons that you mention.
I am pregnant with my first child. A friend of mine has offered to host a baby shower for me before my husband and I are relocated (a few months before the baby is due). She asked me to start thinking about a guest list. As my husband is Army, we are somewhat transient. We’ve been in our current home for three years. We have few local friends.
My question: I work with some wonderful women who have been so encouraging and supportive about my pregnancy. Some of them are clients, some supervisors, and some subordinates. I wonder whether it is appropriate to invite one’s work affiliates to a shower hosted by someone outside the work place? I would hate to exclude any of them, but I also don’t want to appear as though I’m looking for gifts.
Congratulations are in order Felicity! I asked some of the mothers who work here at Emily Post about your question and they all said to go ahead and include your friends from work in the shower. My favorite reply when I asked if they thought what you described was appropriate was an unequivocal, “Absolutely!” Enjoy the shower.
PLEASE HELP! I’M HOSTING A BRIDAL SHOWER FOR MY DAUGHTER SOON.THE PROBLEM IS THAT THEY ARE ALREADY LIVING IN THEIR HOUSE AND DON’T NEED “STUFF”. HOW DO I POLITELY SAY THIS WILL BE A MONEY SHOWER SO THEY CAN BUY BIG TICKET ITEMS LIKE A SOFA, BED ETC. THANKS IN ADVANCE!
Hi Luba. You are kind to take on the task of hosting a shower. The best way to spread word about the theme for a shower is to talk to the guests. While you might indicate a theme on the invitation the general rule is to make no mention of specific gift requests on the invitation itself. It is best to spread the word by word of mouth through friends and family. If people are close enough to be receiving direction about the type of gifts they will bring they should be close enough to get word to through an informal channel. Bare in mind that some people may decide to bring a gift of their choosing regardless of the direction you give and this is their prerogative. Good luck with the rest of your planning.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR PROMPT REPLY. IT HAS HELPED ME ENORMOUSLY IN FOCUSING ON HOW TO WORD THE INVITATION. NOW ALL I NEED TO DO IS RELAX AND ENJOY THE REST OF THE EXPERIENCE. AGAIN, MANY THANKS.