Q: Would it be appropriate to ask my mother (my best friend who has been through everything with me, including an awful divorce) to be my matron of honor? I cannot think of anyone else I would rather have by my side.
A: Sure, it’s perfectly appropriate to have your mom as your matron of honor. Talk it over with her, though, since she may feel she has a lot responsibilities as mother-of-the-bride that would make it hard for her to be a 100% attentive matron of honor. If she decides both “jobs” are just too much to juggle, you will both know, nonetheless, that she will be by your side in spirit, with great love for you, feeling very honored by your suggestion.
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My sister is getting married soon. My two daughters are serving in her wedding, as the flower girl and junior bridesmaid. I was not asked to serve in the wedding. What is my obligation regarding her bridal shower? She and my mother assumed that I would co-host her shower, along with my two other sisters who are not in the wedding. Is it my obligation to co-host her shower even though I am not in the bridal party?
Also, what are your recommendations for who to ask to serve in a bridal party? When I married 12 years ago, I asked my sisters and my husband’s sisters. Now that they are getting married, none of them have asked me to serve in their weddings but instead have opted to ask their friends. I am feeling very hurt by this.
No one is ever obligated to host any kind of shower; hosting one should be done out of delighted affection for the guest of honor, not because one “has to.” While longtime traditional, seemly hosting practices by unrelated persons of the GOH are rapidly eroding to where direct family members are throwing them, this should still be avoided if a friend is available to host instead.
In your case, your feelings are complicated by the fact your sister has not invited you to participate as an attendant. I can understand your hurt and can only guess at her motivation. Is she signficantly younger than you and ageist? Is there something about your appearance that does not “fit in” with the attendants she has asked (which would be a shallow “excuse” indeed)? Is your relationship not close, as in “just” sisters? In her defense, it appears she asked none of her siblings and so didn’t show favoritism. Perhaps she chose the attendants she did because they truly mean a great deal to her (which is the preferred barometer.) I suggest you have a quiet visit with your mother to ask why it is none of your sisters have asked you to be an attendant. This conversation should be calm, and its purpose to inform you, rather than a time to vent your hurt against your mother’s other children.
As an outside observer, it is hard to understand none of your three sisters has asked you to be in their weddings; something else seems to be going on. In any event, you must demonstrate a gracious, calm demeanor throughout their weddings, and endeavor over the rest of your lives to be a loving sister. I know this will be hard at times and I would encourage you to develop a close circle of friends who appreciate your wonderful qualities and will be there for you during the joys and sorrows of your life.