Q: My fiance and I think we have made it clear that we don’t expect wedding gifts from our families and friends; between us, we have almost everything we need. We actually could use money though, to round out what we have and to use toward our honeymoon. If people really want to give us presents this seems like the way to have them do so and make us happy at the same time. A friend suggested that we make it known we would like money as gifts. What wording do we use on our invitations to let people know we could use cash?
A: Actually you don’t, since you should never mention gifts at all on wedding invitations. To do so sounds like your main interest is in the presents, rather than the presence of family and friends. You can reiterate to your attendants and others close to you that you don’t want gifts but that if anyone is determined to get you one and asks them what you would like, they could say the most useful gift would be money. You might also check out online registries for gifts that would be fun to receive, or investigate setting up a honeymoon “registry” where guests may choose to contribute to your wedding trip fund as a gift.
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I am addressing a letter to someone who is a former lieutenant governor of a state. What is the proper way to do this, since she is not longer in that position?
Sharon, I believe, in this case you would simply use her social title, i.e. Ms. or Mrs., but I am confirming this for you today.
Hi Sharon. I am sitting with William Post, Emily’s grandson and the person who knew her best late in life. I asked him what he thinks and he said that he suspects, as long as the person considered the title the highest they have held you could still use it. Former Presidents are addressed as Mr. President and judges are always The Honorable. Of course you would never address the letter to the Ex. Lt. Governor So and So although we both got a smile at the thought of how odd that would sound.
I know this is really late, but you would address a former Lt. Governor as The Honorable Soandso, as Lt. Governors do not have an honorific. I address envelopes all the time to former officials and I have a large list next to my desk on formal addressing.
I thought that if you say “no gifts,” that means no gifts. Why would you tell one person, just because they persisted to find out your gift desires, to give you money, and leave everyone else in the realm of no gifts? If you say no gifts, you should stick to your guns. I think the money rule is unique to cultures: Italians traditionally receive a wad of cash for a wedding gift, but many American Southerners still find it tacky to request or to give cash for a wedding gift.
I have a friend who just announced an “Open House”, Though they’ve been in their home for 13 years. After further query, I learned that her son is getting married the day before the “open house” so I asked if this was actually a wedding reception. The answer was “No, it’s an open house”. I searched the web to learn of this new event to no credible avail. I’ve searched your EPI site without reference to this new event. I continued to ask my friend where her son and fiance are registered – they are not. But they are asking for gift cards for two department stores. This makes me feel very weird…it’s not right that I can’t give what I want – I’ve prided myself on being able to give unique personalized gifts making the event memorable. I’m middle aged but not clueless…please help me understand and adjust to this new way of…thinking?
An open house can be held for any number of reasons or simply to be “at home” to encourage friends to drop in, and is not a housewarming which is held soon after moving in. You seem to be confusing the two. Your friend is correct in stating it is not a wedding reception but should have said it is an open house in honor of the newlyweds.
As for a gift, do not be cowed into giving cash or a giftcard. Give them what you choose but note it need not be on the scale of a gift had you attended their wedding.
Open Houses can occur for any reason not just housewarmings. I personally host one every summer to celebrate nothing so much as summer. You are by no means obligated to get the son and daughter in law a gift as their wedding is unrelated to this event. However if you wish to give whatever is in your budget that you think the couple would enjoy. You can give what you wish or not as you wish. Registries and wish lists are not mandates they are suggesions for those like myself who sometimes stink at coming up with good ideas.
ASKING FOR MONEY IS RUDE. End of story.
Gifts are voluntary and at the discretion of the giver (otherise they would be called “tolls”) — and it is SO RUDE to say to someone, “I’m really not interested in something you specially picked out for me with care… how about you just hand over cash?” Appreciate the gesture of gift-giving, and don’t plan honeymoons you can’t afford (or weddings, graduation gifts, home ownership, etc…).
I’m going to quickly jump in and ask that those commenting refrain from using all caps as a sentence, as that is the equivalent of yelling on the internet. Your opinion is appreciated, though.