Q: My fiances parents find a way to bring his ex-wife, Jennifer, into the conversation every time we visit. How can I stop this without saying something rude and develop a relationship with my husbands parents that doesn’t exclude his ex-wife?
A: You can do one of two things. You can ask your finance to run a little interference for you. When he is visiting with them without you present, he can say, “You probably don’t even notice you do this, but every time Beth is here, you talk about Jennifer. I’d really appreciate it if you could try and leave her out of the conversation, since the new life I’m building is with Beth and I’d like her to start feeling like part of the family.” He can encourage them to get to know you, reiterating how happy he is with you. Or you could say something yourself: “I’ve been thinking about how you often mention Jennifer when I’m with you. She’s very lucky that you are so fond of her. I hope to be that lucky someday, too, and that you’ll find as many nice things to say about me. ” The first solution is probably the best, if your fiance is willing to speak to his parents from his point of view and not make it sound as though you have been complaining.
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