Welcome to Etiquette Daily
This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
Emily's Tweets
- Restaurant rowdiness: When kids get their kicks (on the back of your chair) http://bit.ly/dhxmGV
- New post: Rethinking the pool: Getting out of a project you can't afford http://bit.ly/d6GpVB
- The Gift of Good Manners
- A Greeting for Ramadan“In an increasingly multi-cultural society, it is respectful to know what people of different religions are celebrating during holidays and whether there is a traditional holiday greeting (Saying to a workmate, ‘Hope you have a blast on your day off!’ is hardly appropriate for either Good Friday or Yom Kippur, both days of serious reflection).” […]
- Corn on the CobIt’s August in New England and that means one very important thing: Corn on the Cob! It’s a favorite menu item in the summer. However, corn on the cob shows up in the Those Trickier Situations chapter in our TABLE MANNERS FOR KIDS book for a reason. How do you eat corn on the cob […]
- The Etiquette Business – Challenge Number 4Sometimes when I tell people what I do, they sort of laugh and say, “Manners? Does anybody really pay attention to manners anymore?” What I have found is that many, many people do pay attention. However, there are definite challenges that come along with promoting etiquette/manners in the today’s world. I’ve […]
- A Greeting for Ramadan
Polls
Loading ...
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
What do you do in a situation where your girlfriend’s mother suggests that she has a ring for you to give to her daughter when you get engaged. What kind of gift do you give them(your future in laws) in return?
This is the type of tough situation that many people might wish they had. This is a very kind offer and I would begin by thanking your girlfriend’s mother both for offering you a family heirloom to help pass on and for considering you a worthy suitor. If you think that you would like to accept the gift and use it as an engagement ring you might consider offering to put the money you had budgeted for the ring toward defraying the cost of other wedding expenses.
I have a friend, who is also my neighbor, who is a single Mom on a tight budget. Recently my boyfriend had certain items that were his daughters that is age appropriate for my neighbor’s little girl. He dropped off a gate & a fancy pillow ( a pillow in pristine condition) in light lavender that said “Princess” prior to me discussing these items with my friend. I personally thought the pillow was cute and my boyfriend proudly gave me the pillow to give to my friend’s two year old daughter.
Last week she took the pillow and not the gate which I will return to my boyfriend for his garage sale. And in the interim, I asked my friend is she wanted or needed any specific children’s items before my boyfriend has a garage sale and she indicated books and a small play table in storage would be great.
Recently my friend told me she wanted to return the pillow because she did not need it but I think she doesn’t like the style. I know returning the pillow will offend my boyfriend’s sense of style & taste. FYI, the pillow looks brand new and in my opinion is very pretty for a little girl’s room but again just not my friend’s taste. I thought is would have been better manners for my friend to give the pillow away than to return back to me.
That being said, I was candid with my friend and told her that if I returned the pillow to my boyfriend it will offend him. However, returning the pillow was not a problem for me and then I would give to one of our other neighbors as there plenty of little girls on the block. She seemed to be taken a back with my directness even though I was not mad or upset but was clear about my intentions to give the pillow to someone else in the neighborhood. So my question is this could I have handled this situation better?
And I am not so sure that I want to make the effort to give this friend items as she seems always to have an attitude of people should help her in myriad of ways. And I do not want to be put in the middle in situations like this one or give her things only to have them returned. Are good manner to ask someone first if they want or need a used items (which was not the case with the pillow) and then assume it is not appropriate to for the person to return the item? And if someone takes the used item then assume that they should then give it away if they decide later that they do not want the item? And as in this case, my boyfriend was clear that if she did not want any of the items to return it to him for his garage sales follow his instructions to just return the pillow (even though he would be perplexed and offended as why the it was not received a generous gift).
Thanks for the feedback as I am just trying to be helpful and considerate do not need all this work and drama for doing somone a favor!