Open thread
2010 February 4
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I live abroad, and when my younger brother had a child a few years ago, I looked forward to seeing what kind of picture Christmas card he and his wife would send. My feelings were really hurt when I realized that they hadn’t sent me one (a fact which was confirmed later by a comment his wife made), probably because of the extra hassle of going to the post office. I didn’t say anything and just hoped that they would send me one the following year, but several years have passed and they have never sent me one. Part of what I find painful is that I can’t have my own children, and want to be a part of their childrens’ lives so badly, and feel that small gestures like receiving their card would help so much. I have been obsessing for several years now about whether I did something to offend his wife at some point, and my feelings are so hurt that my feelings towards her may be permanently damaged. I feel it would be rude to say something to them, but don’t know what else to do.
I am sorry that your feelings have been hurt and would advise you not to let this get in the way of building a deeper relationship with your family. In a situation like this I would consider speaking to your brother, or his wife if you are comfortable, about the larger question of wanting to play a role in their children’s lives. You can explain, just like you did here, that not having children of your own you really value your relationship to the next generation of the family. You might ask if they would mind including you on their Christmas list and offer to help pay extra postage, or even send a posted and addressed envelope if there is some difficulty for them connecting through the post with you overseas. You may already be doing this, but you might also initiate contact by sending your nieces/nephew a card or gift of your own.
What gift is appropriate for a young man who has earned the rank fo Eagle Scout? Would the gift be presented at the award ceremony? Thank you.
It is really nice of you to think about the best way to acknowledge this accomplishment. A gift would be an appropriate gesture. I would try to think of something related to the achievement. Maybe there is some camping gear, or something related to one of his favorite service activities that would have extra significance for him. If it is a personal gift I would consider giving it at the award ceremony reception or a dinner before hand. If there is more than one scout is receiving the award or the scouting organization has a format established already it might be difficult to give the gift as part of the official ceremony.
Boy Scouts of America offers several Eagle Scout themed gift items that would be appropriate for this young man. Shop online at http://www.scoutstuff.org (search for “Eagle”), or contact your local Boy Scout council (as some items may not be available for purchase on the website).
Your gift should be presented personally to the new Eagle Scout either before or after the ceremony. The awardee exchanges gifts with his parents during the ceremony. Traditionally, the mother pins her son with the Eagle Scout insignia, and he presents her with a miniature Eagle pin; the father awards his son the Eagle Scout certificate, and he is given a tie tack in return.
-Amy
My very good friend is Mother of the Bride. I am the bride’s godmother. The wedding is ‘family only’, followed by a large reception / party on the same evening. My friend has a “Mother of the Bride blog”. It is funny and clever. Many people can relate to her entries. She is well informed, wise and honest.
Question: We (group of 4 friends with husbands) are hosting a shower for the couple. The bride and her mother provided the guest list which includes our friends who attended elementary school together. Invited to the shower are the adult children of our group. My friend, the bride’s mother, thought this would be a fun tradition to allow our second generation to become friends. The party (both generations) will include less than 20 people; a fun almost family affair.
The “Wedding etiquette question” has to do with this: These adult children are not invited to the wedding reception. Isn’t it a huge NO NO to do invite someone to a shower and not include them for the wedding reception? (Or is that an old rule from 30 years ago?)
I truly sympathize with the GUEST LIST issues. She writes in her blog that it is truly one of the biggest and most controversial decisions. It is especially ’sensitive’ in this case since these adult children either have never met or only knew each other when they were very small. There really is no reason they should be invited to the wedding reception. BUT..
So, please let me know, according to Emily Post, is it acceptable, under these circumstances, to not invite these ‘adult children’ to the wedding reception?
I am pretty sure that my friend has considered all of the angles in her decision so I may not even share the information I receive with her! Thank you!
First off, I would love to see the “funny and clever, wise and honest” mother of the bride blog. Is it private? Could you post a link?
Secondly, it sounds like you are well aware of the sensitive issue that you are addressing. You are correct that it is a traditional no-no to invite someone to a wedding shower but not to the wedding itself. This is one of the old rules that is still observed. You might consider suggesting a special second generation wedding celebration dinner to get everyone together without the confusion that can accompany the expectation that guests bring gifts.