Q: A group of workers at my office likes to eat lunch together at a certain time each day. Lately, a manager has been joining us “just to chat.” The management-employee relationship in our company is somewhat adversarial, and now we feel awkward when he sits with us. We’d like to enjoy our lunch without having to watch everything we say. Is there a polite way to discourage him?
A: Hmmm. The atmosphere at the company has been somewhat adversarial and now a manager is joining you on your lunch break to chat — and your first reaction is, “How can we politely discourage him?” To me, it sounds as if your management may sense the adversarial relationship too. Is it possible that the manager who’s been lunching with you is trying to build a better relationship with you and your co-workers? Even if it isn’t a conscious management decision, perhaps this manager is making a personal effort to bridge to divide. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and include him the conversation.
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I have two questions about work situations, somewhat related:
1. We had a Valentine’s Day exchange recently where employees picked names out of a hat and were responsible for buying a $10-$15 gift for their secret Valentine. Every employee was included in the company and I am unsure whether or not to send a specific thank you card to the person who bought me a gift. I noticed some people did but most did not. Since everyone participated, is it necessary to send a thank you. I am leaning toward yes, but I don’t want my secret Valentine to feel as though she has to give me a thank you card.
2. It is “staff appreciation week” at my company and we have been receiving many nice lunches donated from customers, the management, etc. as well as small gifts each day. How do I go about thanking everyone (and is it necessary since everyone is getting these gifts)?
Any advice would be very helpful!
Thank you notes are a great practice that can set you apart from the crowd in all the best ways. Almost everyone will appreciate receiving one. While there is no current obligation to reply to “secret Santa” type gifts with a thank you note it is a nice idea if you know your giver. There is probably no effective way to thank everyone who has participated in the staff appreciation bonanza but if a particular gift or gesture stood out in a way that you want to acknowledge, again, there is nothing wrong with that. While thank you notes for thank you gifts are okay, thank you notes for thank you notes could turn into an infinite loop and are really not necessary.
The management-employee relationship is usually adversarial for a reason. Sometimes, you do not want to be around your boss because you do not like that person based on his or her actions. Where I work, for example, my boss actually told horrible lies about me to other people in emails, (I know this because one of these individuals printed the emails and showed them to me). Now I have to act like I never read those emails and still try to be friendly with her. I would be most uncomfortable if she tried to have lunch with me everyday because I do not enjoy her company, I do not trust her, and I have no interest in continuing a relationship with her beyond what is necessary to do our jobs. However, I still follow all etiquette as I know it when I have to interact with her (which is everyday, unfortunately).