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This has bothered me for some time, maybe you could help.
The phrase “I am sorry” seems ambiguous. Either it means “I feel badly that you feel badly” or “this is my fault and I apologize”.
Often I want to use the former meaning but not include that I think it is my fault or an apology. I think some other languages make this distinction.
Perhaps a good simple example is when you tell kids to eat their vegetables and they do not like the vegetables ” I am sorry, but you need to finish your vegetables”
or the situation where a friend expected you to pick them up from the airport but did not actually tell you that they were coming into town:
Person1: “I thought you were going to pick me up from the airport”
Person2: “I’m sorry”
A friend and I are at loggerheads on phone etiquette. This is the question: if the phone rings and I’m pretty busy, making dinner let’s say, is it polite for me to answer the phone and tell the caller that I’m busy but I’ll call her back at a convenient time? My friend thinks I should not answer the phone when I’m busy and instead let her leave a message and call her back. The kicker is that I don’t have call screening, so how do I know she’s calling if I don’t answer the phone? She thinks if I’m busy, I should just listen to messages later.
Is it rude to say, “Hi, thanks for calling, I’m sorry I can’t talk now?”
What an interesting question. There is certainly nothing wrong with answering the phone the way you mention. As far as the larger context of doing this on a regular basis and maybe giving the appearance of screening calls, there is not a general rule that we can refer to. It sounds like you are thinking about it in the right way. If you had call screening you could accommodate your friend who has expressed her dissatisfaction with how you answer the phone. I seems like you would do this if you could, which is what I would suggest first since she has made her preference known. You might consider explaining to your friend exactly what you have written here. Thank her for her advice, thereby letting her know she was heard and that you respect her opinion. At the same time let her know that at this time you aren’t able to do this and apologize for any inconvenience that she experiences as a result.
Last year my eldest daughter graduated from high school. The event was held at the school gymnasium. It was a “standing room only” event, as you might imagine. When I arrived, I went to some open seats near the dais, only to be told by a lady that the entire section of 30 – 50 seats were off limits because she was saving the seats for her familly members. I moved to the next section and faced a similar situation with a section of 15 seats. I told the “ladies” who were saving the seats that their family members weren’t the only ones graduating and I thought their behavior was extremely rude. What do you think? How should I handle this situation if it arises again?
Congratulations on your daughter’s graduation. I am sorry the event was not run more smoothly. In the future when confronted with rude behavior at a public event like this one, we recommend talking to someone with some authority at the venue about addressing the problem. Whether it is rude or distracting behavior at a theater or someone saving too many seats at an open seating sports event the usher, house manager, or event organizers are the people best suited to address the problem.
My Semi-Sister-in-Law (my fiance’s sister) is pregnant and I offered to throw a baby shower. She mentioned that her best friend is throwing her one and that she’d put us in touch. I don’t want to hijack the party, but I’d like to help contribute. How should I approach this situation?
It is nice of you to want to help in a thoughtful way. You should do what you Semi-sister-in-law suggests. Get in touch with her friend and offer to help in any way you can. Be sure to listen to what she is thinking about and planning for the shower but also have a few suggestions ready so that you can make it easy for her to accept your help. Good luck with the shower!