Q: I’ve received two wedding invitations for the same day–one from a college friend and one from a cousin. Which one should take precedence?
A: The decision is yours: Think about which person you’re closer to. If you choose your friend, reach out to your family immediately (and in person, if possible) to minimize hurt feelings, and try to set up another time to see the couple. But whichever invitation you decline, send a note of thanks with an explanation and be sure to RSVP promptly to both.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Help! My daughter included registry information inside her wedding invitations. Is there a way to address this after they’ve been sent out, or should I try to forget about it?
Thanks from a concerned Mother of the Bride
The damage has been done. Do encourage your daughter to be especially careful from here on out and learn about good manners so that this faux pas will hopefully be forgotten.
My sister is getting married in May and I am the Maid of Honor. I’ve never planned a shower before but the other brides maid is fighting me on everything. The shower is at the end of March. Our wedding dress colors are black and silver. She thinks we should decorate the wedding shower with black and white carnations with silver balloons. I feel like that is something for a birthday party or new years eve party.. not a spring wedding shower. I decided to go with spring flowers. She tells me I am wrong and we should be doing wedding colors. Is there etiquette for this?
Relatives do not host showers for relatives as it is considered grabbing and in poor taste. Aside from this, a shower is not required to be decorated in the same color scheme as a wedding, though some are. Seems to me a spring shower should rejoice in the season, though; if the wedding is an evening affair, the b/w/silver theme works well, but may seem harsh for a daytime shower. Carnations are not the prettiest flower to begin with and a black one? Hmmm. Rather funereal or Goth, don’t you think?
I thought the carnations were tacky and the black ones especially! Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel better since I haven’t a clue what I am doing. The brides maid fights me tooth and nail on everything and makes me feel bad about doing something nice for my sister. I didn’t know that relatives are not supposed to hold showers for relatives. It always seems to me that holding a shower is one of the duties of the maid of honor. Once again, thank you very much.
It is not a requirement that a maid of honor, nor a bridesmaid for that matter, host a shower for the bride, but good luck with your soiree!
I have also received wedding invitations from two people for the same day. They are both male best friends whom I have known since high school. One weeding is a traditional Catholic mass at noon followed by an afternoon reception. The other is an evening wedding. I have informed my two friends of the conflict and the later groom has insisted that I leave the reception of my other friend to make it to his ceremony. The thing is, I am an informal part of the wedding party as the host for the earlier wedding! How can I politely insist to the second groom, that while I would have liked to attend the wedding (which is 40 minutes away from the other reception) it isn’t plausible? Please help, I don’t want to hurt either friend.
Groomzilla! Who knew? This is however one of the classic etiquette questions, as this happens more often than you might think. Groups of friends often tend to get married within a few years of each other and it is not unusual for these weddings to overlap during the same short wedding season. If you have already made a commitment to be a part of the first wedding and you intend to honor that commitment you should rsvp to the hosts of the second wedding as soon as possible. Simply express your regret in writing that you will not be able to attend. Be sure to wish them well and maybe even consider sending the rsvp with a wedding gift. Having done these two things you will have fulfilled the roles that you are supposed to play as an invited guest. Having done this, if you feel you should, contact your friend personally to explain that you have to honor your earlier commitment. He should be understanding as he would probably want you to pay him the same respect if you had committed to be part of his wedding already and someone else asked you to do something at the same time. This would be a great time to offer to get together and celebrate the new union in a way that works for both of you.
Hello,
I have a big issue. My sisters wedding is slated for 9/10/11 and I am the maid of honor. My boyfriend was asked a month ago if he could supply the music and possibly sing and he agreed. Now one of his good friends has just decided their date and it is the same day. The weddings are no where near each other and my boyfriend has now told his friend that he will sing at her wedding thus breaking his engagement at my sisters. My sister also picked the date because the weekend following is my boyfriends birthday so she didn’t want it to fall on the same day. He is now saying that he barely knows my sister and feels more obligated to his friend however he is not the best man nor is he giving her away. I feel that because he already committed to my sisters wedding that he needs to keep his word, not to mention she is my family. He thinks that I am being inconsiderate and that he needs to go to his friends wedding because he has known her longer. What is the proper etiquette for this type of situation?
He had already commited to your sister. Once you make a commitment you are honor bound to follow thru unless illness ect. Basically you can only cancel for worse things not for better. The honorable thing he should have done is to tell friend that he was unable to attend her wedding as he had already commited to be at another wedding that day and that he was sorry and to wish her al sorts of happiness. He is being inconsiderate. That said he is your boyfriend not your husband and his not caring about your and your family and his commitments makes it unlikely you will still wish to be dating him come september so maybe you will have the change to meet a lovely groomsman at your sisters wedding instead.
I agree wholeheartedly with Alicia.
A dear friend of my fiance’s had already committed to attend a wedding on the same weekend as ours. The guy doesn’t want to go (it was a friend of his wife’s with whom he is only cordial), but says he is sorry and wants to set a good example for his two sons; i.e. that promises mean something, and aren’t just around for convenience. Sure, we’ll miss him, but completely understand.
I have a similar dilemma and would appreciate thoughts and suggestions. Two of my closest friends are having their wedding on the same day in different states. One asked me to be in the wedding party and I agreed, not having known a confirmed date for the other friends wedding. I would think I should go to whoever asked me first but the other friend is practically a sister to me (the first friend to ask me I am really close to but not for as long and deep as my other friend.) What should I do and any tips on how to politely let down one of them?
You have agreed to be an important part of a friend’s wedding. Please do not be so unkind as to leave this friend hanging on her special day.
It’s an unfortunate situation, but I think Laura is right – you already committed to be in a wedding party. Tell your other friend that you’ll make a special trip to see her and celebrate another time soon, but after she has the proofs so you can see all the photos. What else can you do?
I think you need to go to the one you are wedding party at. The other one did not officially invite you yet or else you would haveknown the date from the invite. Go to the one where you are a bridesmaid. Send a gift and plan to get together with the other couple shortly after they are back from their honeymoon to view wedding pictures
Sad but this is the only option. Elizabeth is right.