Merry Christmas!
Q: What is a foolproof way to stop a relative from telling offensive jokes at holiday get-togethers? This year’s dinner is at our house, and I’m dreading a face-off over dessert with my uncle, a.k.a. the dirty-joke teller.
A: Weeks ahead of time, tell your uncle that you’re happy to have him at the party, but he needs to know your house rule: no wild jokes. Say that it offends many family members and embarrasses the children, so you’d like him to refrain, in the interest of making the day pleasant for the whole group. Don’t lecture or tell him he has to change. Just stress that in your home, holidays are a G-rated event. You might also recruit someone in his own family to reiterate your stance. That should do the job, but if you’re looking for foolproof, there’s only one way-withdraw your uncle’s invitation. While I don’t advocate this drastic step, it may be your only choice.
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When is it okay to tell your mother-in-law that she should stop getting you gifts at Christmas? For nearly 15 years I have put up with clothes I would never wear and don’t fit anyway, fragrances and scented lotions I can’t use because of asthma, jewelry I would never use because I don’t wear jewelry, and gift cards to places I don’t frequent. This year, the all-time low: a glorified glade plug in (that I can’t use because of my asthma). I would love to tell her next year, please, just focus on your son and the grandkids; I don’t need a thing. Help?
Your husband should say to his mother, early next fall, “Mom, Jane and I know its getting harder and harder to shop for Christmas and Jane has asked that you just worry about the kids this year. But, since I’m your favorite son, of course you can still remember me!” (Laughing required here.)
If she frets at this notion, Mr. W needs to be prepared with specific gift suggestions (planted in his ear by you) for her, or better yet, offer to shop for you for his Mom!
Tell him this is one of those times when it will pay for him to look after the two most important women in his life!
Another suggestion is to ask that if she insists upon gift giving, to donate to one of a few charities that you support (and name a few) in your name to spread the joy, with the suggestion that “my life is rich enough, and I would like to help make it the same for others!”
I would have been happy with a Glade Plug-in. In addition to clothes I can’t wear, I once got a “fat ring” from my MIL for Christmas. You were to wear this cheap piece of costume jewelry and the pounds were supposed to melt right off. Nothing like being called fat on Christmas Day.
Thank you for the good humor. I needed a laugh late in the afternoon.