Q: Someone just told me that it’s considered tacky to send personal holiday cards with one’s name preprinted on them. Do you agree? I’ve sent cards to friends that way for years, and no one has complained.
A: It’s certainly not a major goof to send preprinted cards. If the recipient is a friend, however, do add a short, warm personal greeting. Print-only cards are more appropriate for business associates.
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Invitations for a rather formal party scheduled for this Sunday went out about a month ago, but because we’ve met the hostess only a couple of times, I imagined that we hadn’t been invited.
However, a friend of the hostess’s called Sunday, mentioned that our RSVP hadn’t been received by the hostess and asked whether we were coming. I explained that we hadn’t received an invitation, at which point she told me the time of the party.
Nevertheless, my husband and I would be very uncomfortable attending a party as formal as this one without a written invitation, especially in light of recent events at the White House party, and therefore have no intention of going unless we receive a written invitation or at least a call from the hostess in the next couple of days.
If it were a close friend, I wouldn’t stand on ceremony, but because of the nature of this particular affair, for which the planning began back in August, we feel very strongly that a certain amount of ceremony is appropriate.
Thoughts?
It is a shame you are in the position you are in. It is time to call the hostess and say, “Jane, Mary called the other day and mentioned you have not received a response from me for an invitation you sent John and me for your dinner on the 22nd. Jane, we didn’t receive the invitation and that is why you didn’t hear from us. Of course we’d love to come, if you are still planning on us.”
This is an innocent situation so don’t overthink it. Just be straightforward, upbeat and polite. Surely the hostess will respond in kind. Ideally, Mary should have let Jane know you haven’t received an invitation, and Jane should have called you, but since that hasn’t taken place, now that you know the facts, it is incumbent upon you to reach out to the hostess, and also protect your mannerly reputation.