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Please help. Christmas Eve is when all my brothers and sisters and kids get together and exchange gifts. We have never sent thank you’s because we thank everyone in person. This year my sister-in-law and brother could not make it and they sent all the gifts for all the kids in the family. I have a 5 and 2 year old and 2 stepdaughters 13 and 17. (There are nieces and nephews including a 2 year old, 4 year old, 16 year old and an 18 year old). My stepdaughters received gift cards from my sister-in-law and brother with an index enclosed with their mailing address and printed in pen, “send thank you notes here”. As far as I can tell they were the only two who received this attached to their gift. What do I do? My stepdaughters feel “weird” that they received this and I do not know what to do, because my 2 and 5 year olds did not receive the index card with their gifts. I’m mad and hurt at this point and I know if I call my sister-in-law and brother I might “blow up” at them. What do I do?
Dear Tracy,
Let’s choose to believe that your stepdaughters received the addresses, not because they are “steps” but because they are old enough to be expected to have been taught that thank you notes should be written for gifts they receive. That said, the manner in which they were “prodded” was rather clunky, but I strongly urge you to let it go. This is a teaching moment for your children and family. You should convey the message to them that knowledgeable and polite people always send written thank yous and this is a habit they should follow throughout their lives. And while Aunt and Uncle were not entirely right in their approach, their error does not convey the right to your family to behave badly in return.
Now you, Tracy, should do likewise and be sure to write notes for any gifts you receive personally, and write those for your young children, too, and also encourage your spouse to do the same. A child of 6 or so is perfectly capable of writing a one or two sentence note and you would be wise to start this habit early on. I had a rule with my boys when they were young that they could not use a new gift until the thank you was written, and believe me, they got prompt in a hurry!
This is Etiquette 101, along with please and thank you, and deference to adults and basic courtesies to others. It is one of the most important aspects of child-rearing and your children will someday thank you for it.
With friendly encouragement,
Graceandhonor
I recently wetn to a restaurant with 4 couples. One person in the group said to put six on a check and left me and my date out. I did not care if she paid for mine and my date but found this in poor taste!
Has your friend treated you before without you reciprocating in kind? Or, perhaps she was commemorating a special event for the others? Were you invited at the last minute? There are a number of possible explanations for her behavior, and you might want to talk with her and be sure there is nothing you’ve done that has caused this behavior. Its always worth trying to salvage a friendship and mend things.
My cousin has never thanked me for helping her move in her home, reciprocated for the many meals she has had at my house always gets mad if no one includes her.
Then someone in your family would be doing her a favor to call her attention to her insensitivity to others. Since you know the type of person she is, you can decide how much interaction you choose to have with her.