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Help! This Christmas I gave my sister-in-law a unique cross for her cross collection . She expressed a mild dislike for the gift in a room of family during gift echange time. Today she sent it back to me via my father-in-law. She did the same thing last Christmas, but did not return the gift. How do I handle this tactfully? Do I replace the gift? Give her cash or a gift card to replace the gift?
Connie, I do admire your grace and desire to please your s-i-l in view of her own tactless behavior. I will assume the cross you gave her did not fall into the offensive category, but was one whose style she simply didn’t care for. If this is the case, it was very rude of her to return it to you in the manner she did. And, since she behaved similarly last year in voicing her dislike of your gift, I’d say you’d be justified in feeling you are off the hook from gifting her next year. However, the way you have expressed yourself in your query indicates to me that you are sincere in wishing to please her. Contact her husband and ask if he has suggestions on how to shop for his wife in the future. As for this year, I’d suggest letting it go. She owes you an apology and your father-in-law, too, for putting him in the position of messenger.
I think it was rude of your sister-in-law to express her dislike of the gift so publicly. A gift is a gift — and the recipient should politely thank the giver. My inclination would be to not replace the gift this year, but next year give her a gift card.
It sounds like you put some thought and effort into choosing a gift for her. And kudos to you for wanting to handle this tactfully, despite her poor manners. Since there was nothing wrong with the gift (it wasn’t broken, wrong size, etc.), I would do nothing but accept the gift back from your father-in-law. I would not attempt to replace the gift, and would think twice about buying her another gift next year.
I accidentally broke a friends camera. As I was taking a picture for them the camera slipped out of my hands and onto the floor. The lens got jammed in the open position and no longer took pictures. I immediately said something along the lines of, “I am so sorry. I’ll pay for it just let me know how much.” I was expecting a response of “Oh don’t worry about it, it was an accident.” or “well, let me see how much it will be and we can split it or something.” This has been a friend for about 10 years. I got an e-mail stating the fix price of over $100.00. I said that I would get the money to her ASAP. Then another week later I got another message asking if I could have the money to her in the next week. We all know money is tight for everyone. Her situation is a bit fairer than mine. I understand that I WAS the one to drop the carera and I WAS the one to say I wouold pay for it, but my response in the same situation….with a friend would be don’t worry about it, it was an accident. What is the proper way to deal with this situation. Many people I have spoke to about this sitaution all agree that it was an accident and the friend should have responded with dont’ worry about it…or we can split it.
Thank you!
George
You broke the camera, ever how innocently, you offered to pay for the repair (as you should have), and it is immaterial that your friend is better off financially than you or didn’t offer to let you off the hook. You should pay her immediately and uphold your word.
If someone accidentally breaks something, they should offer to pay the repair or replacement costs. Period. If the friend decides to take you up on the offer, that is their prerogative. While some may offer to split the cost or decline the offer, you shouldn’t penalize the friend who actually expects you to mean what you say.
You said this is a friend of over ten years, please don’t let this instance ruin the friendship.
My wife and I were excited to learn recently that we are pregnant. Due to our careers and other factors, this is the best time for us to have a baby. We have not told anyone yet, as we prefer to make it safely through the first trimester first.
In retrospect, we realize that this may have been poor planning, as we are due a few weeks before my younger brother’s wedding. I am now concerned about my future sister-in-law’s reaction to our news and the possibility that it will steal some of her wedding thunder, even though we have no interest in taking away any of the attention.
Our concerns are not unfounded. My older brother and his wife just announced that they are also pregnant and due right before the wedding. Our future sister-in-law was hurt and angry that they decided to get pregnant so close to her wedding date. I’m afraid that our news will just rub salt in the wound.
How do we break the news to her without hurting her feelings and assure her that it won’t take the spotlight off her on the big day?
Double Trouble in Chicago
I don’t know if you can break the news to her without hurting her feelings, or why her feelings should be hurt. This is such a joyous time for you and your wife, it’s a shame SHE is taking away from your joy right now. I’ve just never understood these “me me me” types. You sound like a very sensitive person, but honestly, this bride sounds like she has some growing up to do.
I second, third and fourth Red’s take on your situation, Paul. A wedding and self-absorbed bride cannot hold a candle in importance to that of a BABY, for heaven’s sake!
Will be interesting to see what happens when her baby comes along, hmm, Uncle Paul? We are sure, though, that you and your wife will be the wise and kindly uncle and aunt he or she will need and grow to adore.