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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have a question about holiday tipping. At my salon they did not allow the stylists to accept tips during the year. A cut and color can be $200.00 or more if you have a weave or highlights. I have color once a month and a cut every other month. I always tip the shampoo person (shampoos and applies color) $10.00 per visit. What would you suggest for Christmas for the Stylist and the shampooist. Also is the $10.00 for the shampooist approriate?
As big a pain as this will be, the best way to arrive at a correct annual tip amount is to (1) ascertain the amounts the salon charges for each service, i.e. shampoo, color, weave, cut, and (2) keep track of who provides which service and how many throughout the year, and (3) tip 15-20% to each provider for their service. Its good (and smart) of you to be concerned with recognizing those who do for you as they do.
I am never sure what to do about tipping for my weekly manicure. My manicurist has her own shop and she is the only person working there. I have heard that you do not tip the owner of the shop. I never know what to do. A manicure is $19.00. You suggest 15 – 20% for a manicurist. Should I be tipping each week?
There are two viewpoints on tipping a salon owner: yes and no. I always tip my manicurist/salon owner weekly, as I want to continue receiving great service from her, and when we’ve gone to the same person for a longtime, friendly affection dictates it. I also think to myself, “I would go nuts if this is the way I made my living day after day.” To me, four dollars for a manicure tip is precious little in recognition of this fact.
I have had past “parental” power struggle problems with my husband’s family in the past & had to set boundaries. However, with my father-in-law’s recent passing, I thought things were much better between us all. Recently at our Christmas gathering though, I overheard my mother-in-law talking to my son & his new wife and she was referring to my husband & I by our first names instead of “your mom & dad”. This was something my in-laws did when we were having our past power struggles a few years back & then they would address each other as mom & dad when talking to the kids. The question to them was what did Bill & Sue get you for Christmas? How do I address this without seeming oversensitive? Would this still be the proper way for her to address us when my daughter-in-law is also standing there? We have told our daughter-in-law we would love for her to call us mom & dad if she feels comfortable, although she doesn’t always consistently do that. This would be good to know if I do talk to her about it. Thank you.
Dear Sue,
Perhaps your m-i-l is not calling you and your husband by your first names to continue a perceived power struggle at all. Let’s look at this a different way.
Your in-laws, being the senior members of the family, have always seen themselves as the mom and dad. Your husband (and you) are their children. They call children by their first names and referring to you by first names in conversation with YOUR children is not rude at all, nor power grabbing in the least. I’m sure if they refer to an aunt or uncle in passing conversation with your children, its probably by their first names, too.
As for your daughter-in-law and what she calls you, you have proffered a suggestion of mom and dad. You should not pressure her to call you this as it might not be comfortable for her. In my own case, I called my in-laws by their first names, because I personally felt “Mom and Dad” were reserved for my own parents. She will eventually settle into something.
Even if your m-i-l is less than cooperative about things of this ilk, I encourage you to let it go. She must be older if she has a married grandson and so treat her with the most tender respect you can muster. Your daughter-in-law will remember your behavior toward your mother-in-law in years to come, and this will reap you much more than whatever your m-i-l calls you now.
Graceandhonor