Welcome to Etiquette Daily
This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
Emily's Tweets
- Reluctant to refer: When you're asked about an unfavorable candidate http://bit.ly/acW5ek
- Do Business Cards Accompany a Wedding Cake? http://bit.ly/aG05uF
- The Gift of Good Manners
- So Many AdultsThis is it – the first week of school. Large schools, small schools, public schools, private schools – they all conjure up a similar image: rows of desks or groups of students seated at tables and a teacher standing near them, greeting them, introducing them to their new year. The scene may be slightly different […]
- A Greeting for Ramadan“In an increasingly multi-cultural society, it is respectful to know what people of different religions are celebrating during holidays and whether there is a traditional holiday greeting (Saying to a workmate, ‘Hope you have a blast on your day off!’ is hardly appropriate for either Good Friday or Yom Kippur, both days of serious reflection).” […]
- Corn on the CobIt’s August in New England and that means one very important thing: Corn on the Cob! It’s a favorite menu item in the summer. However, corn on the cob shows up in the Those Trickier Situations chapter in our TABLE MANNERS FOR KIDS book for a reason. How do you eat corn on the cob […]
- So Many Adults
-
Polls
Loading ...
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been invited to attend a holiday cocktail party. Should I bring a gift to the hosts?
Yes, a hostess gift is appropriate. Generally, one should always take something to hosts when one is invited to someone’s home. Try to choose something that does not obligate the host to feeling they must use it at that event, however, such as a food item that won’t keep. Hostess towels, nicely packaged gourmet food items for the pantry, wine or champagne, special teas or coffee, pretty candles or a coffee table book would work (in your case, holiday themed) .
And, for special events, sending a floral arrangement the next day to your hosts has great impact. This was once a common ritual and its resurgence is overdue. A man who does this will see his social cachet skyrocket, trust me.
My sister has sent the list of gifts she plans on purchasing for her boyfriend for the holidays to my family and has asked us to help pay. Some of us have only met her boyfriend once and don’t know him well; the items on the list are quite expensive; and none of us planned to purchase gifts for him. My sister is currently unemployed and not able to afford all of these items, and I am a bit miffed that she would ask us for a handout instead of just giving him what she can afford – especially since she just informed us that she can only afford to pay $25 towards a gift for our mother, which is much less than the expected total for all of her boyfriend’s gifts. For these reasons, although my sister and I are very close, I feel quite uncomfortable with giving her any money to help buy gifts for the beau. What would be a gracious way for us to tell my sister that some of us are hesitant to pitch in?
Thanks and kind regards,
Dina
“Sis, everyone is having a hard time this year and it would be best for everyone to scale back this year. I’m sure Joe will love anything you give him, and when times get better, you’ll be able to do more for each other then.” Other than this statement, do nothing. Sometimes inaction is enough to convey a message, but it is important that everyone in the family is united in this response to your sister. Her expectations show a lack of maturity and consideration for her family. As for her contribution to your mother’s gift, accept it cheerfully and gratefully, and let go any balance due this year.
I think Miss Manners guide to holiday tipping is a great idea, but seriously lacking in common sense in at least one case – newspaper delivery people.
Firstly, Ms. Manners forgot to mention that you should consider whether you get the paper delivered 7 days a week or just on the weekend – most people would consider that when determining how much to give.
A few basic facts:
1) In most regions it costs a person LESS to get a newspaper delivered to their door than it does to buy it from a store.
2) Newspaper delivery people are not paid minimum wage, they are paid piecework – which can be as little as a few cents per paper.
3) Physically delivering a paper is only part of the work that your delivery person does. The newspaper comes in 2 or 3 sections which have to be assembled manually by the carrier (4 sections on Sundays in the fall leading up to xmas). The carrier then inserts the papers into a plastic bag to protect it from the elements. On particularly rainy/snowy days the papers are doublebagged. The papers are then loaded into a delivery person’s personal automobile and then delivered over a route that is several miles in length. Regardless of the number of sections or time it takes to bag or how long it takes to deliver the papers due to weather conditions your delivery person gets the same few cents for each delivery.
4) Newspaper carriers have no health insurance, no benefits, no vacation and no holidays, they work 365 days a year.
Fortunately the majority of people who still get newspapers understand the concept of service and feel that getting a dry paper delivered to their front door is worth more than the $10/year ms. manners seems to feel is reasonable. ms. manners should ask herself how much it’s worth to her to stay indoors and get the paper delivered to her doorstep on a freezing cold blizzardy day so she can save herself the time and effort of getting dressed, scraping off the car, shovelling the drive, driving the all but impassible roads to the local store, paying MORE for the paper and then driving home. Now multiply that by 5-10 snow days a year (in NE) and add in another 6-12 monsoon like days of heavy rain(conservative estimate), oh and don’t forget the Sundays she wants to sleep late in the warmer weather and walk out in her slippers to get the paper instead of having to get up and rush to the store before the paper is sold out. How much is all of that worth? $10 a year? Really? That’s all?
Your post is a perfect example of an insider’s expertise providing information that much of the general public may not know or ever thought about. Newspapers would do well to run a story every December telling us what goes into getting that newspaper out to our doorsteps every day of the year, and you should encourage yours to do so. Perhaps we should think in terms of a gratuity of 15-20% of the annual subscription.