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- French Fries – How Do I Eat Them?There are many foods that present a classic dilemma for diners young and old. The question is, “fork or fingers?” The answer is sometimes definitive – you definitely eat your peas and mashed potatoes with a fork. That’s a no-brainer. But how about french fries? It’s a sometimes fingers/sometimes forks answer: If the food the […]
- New Possibilities in a New YearHello All, A new year is an exciting time. It offers all sorts of possibilities and a fresh start. 2012 is particularly exciting in the new possibilities it offers me. After 12 years co-directing the Emily Post Institute with my brother Peter and my sister-in-law Peggy (married to a different brother), I am retiring from management […]
- Happy HolidaysHolidays bring festivities, breaks from routine, and opportunities to spend time with family and friends. We share meals, exchange gifts, and connect with people we see infrequently. I know kids and staff will enjoy a break from the routine school schedule, employees at businesses that take a break during this season will enjoy their time […]
- French Fries – How Do I Eat Them?
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I am having a Christmas party soon at my house. It is usally a closed group that is invited, but this year my boss decided he wanted to invite someone whom he felt was very close to our group. I didn’t really care, but I felt it a little odd and tacky that my boss would take the liberty to invite another guest to our party without asking me (the host) first. From there, it was suggested by others in the group to consider more “close” people to our group. But my boss was against that, although there is one particular person that I want to invite, (to my house mind you), but my boss is telling me I cant invite this person to our party. First, does my boss have the right to extend an invitation to the party at my house wihout consulting me first, and after that does he have the right to not let ME invite someone whom I would want at our party, at my house? Isn’t my boss out of line and a bit crass to say the least or am I missing something. We all chip in equally for this party, so there is no added responsibility on anyone to do more than anyone else, except me and my wife to prepare the food and ready the house. What is right here and what is wrong? Can I go above him and invite this person anyway? Thank you very much!
My, this is a sticky situation. You are correct that your boss was wrong to dictate the guest list to you when the event is being held in your home, without consulting you first. However, it may well be dicey for you to override his edict, as he will see it as a challenge to his authority.
But, were I in your shoes, I’d invite the person you want to, and when confronted by the boss, reply, “I invited Sam because he is a good friend of mine. He’s very glad to be able to be here with our group and he respects you very much.” (If this happens, please let us know his reaction!)
If you are asked to host next year, accept by saying, “My wife and I will be happy to host, but in order to do so, we’ll need to invite Jack, Jill, Sally, Andy and Angela.” Be prepared in advance next time to state your parameters. Otherwise, decline. Office parties should be used to not only get those together we already work with, but extend olive branches and expand boundaries. An enlightened boss should know this.
Thank you for your reply and advice. I won’t invite the person in question, just because I know how my boss will react. But, I am glad to hear that you agree that my boss was out of place in expanding the guest list. That gives me the peace of mind that I was looking for. In the spirit of Christmas, I wanted to invite my friend, particularly because she is not from our area and has a limited social life and small circle of “friends”. I will in a subtle way let her know that it was not my idea to not invite her. I will say to my boss that next year, I will NOT host the party under these conditions. I am still miffed at him that he doesn’t even realize how rude it is to do what he has done…Thank you again and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family!
My son’s marriage fell apart just weeks after the wedding. What is the protocol for returning wedding gifts?
I am sorry this has happened to your son, and I am sure your friends and family are, too. Your son and his wife should ship, mail, or hand deliver each gift back to the giver, along with a note:
Dear John and Jane,
Thank you for your generous gift in anticipation of our marriage and while it didn’t work out, we won’t forget your kindness. We hope you can return the lovely toaster for a credit to your account.
Sincerely,
Bill
It would be best, and easiest, if your son takes care of returning the gifts to “your side” and the bride to “her side.” If for some reason one of them doesn’t step up to handle this, then the other person should. No gifts should be retained and unhappy details avoided. If a gift is used and unreturnable, then it is appropriate to send a check to the giver, along with the note amended to explain the toaster had already been used.
Best wishes to your family.
My wife and I have recently adopted a beautiful baby boy for another country. My question is how should we respond to questions/remarks, from strangers and aquatances, about our child being of another race. These situations make us very uncomfortable, we feel that it is none of their business. What the appropriate and polite manner to handle these situations?
“Yes, he is (fill in the blank) and isn’t he GRAND!?!?!” said with ebullient, firm and authoritative conviction, while looking them unflinchingly in the eye and leaning forward into their personal space, should convey your message nicely. (I personally would like to imagine you swelling up like some barely contained territorial lizard when this occurs.)
And, leaning into your personal space with a special hug, CONGRATULATIONS, Andy!!!
Dear Andy,
I love and agree with Grace and Honor’s reply, join her as she leans into your personal space, and also say with a special hug, CONGRATULATIONS, Andy!
I wish the best for you, your wife, and your beautiful baby boy!
Cindy Post Senning
First of all, congratulations! What a joyous time. I, too, adopted two beautiful children from another country. I remember hearing stories from other adoptive parents who were peppered with rude comments and questions, and it made me a bit nervous. But generally, questions/comments are well-intentioned. If you respond with a comment similar to the one suggested by Graceandhonor, they will understand. One comment we hear a lot from strangers — and comments/questions diminish as the children grow older — is “What a lucky baby.” We always respond with, “We are the lucky ones.” And we are.
This is a lovely response, Red.
I am creating the invitations for a ceremony after which light breakfast refreshments will be served. How do I indicate this on the invitation?
“Refreshments will be served” or “Please join us for refreshments following the ceremony.”