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we are invited to a surprise party at a country club on a Saturday night. The attired is causal elegant. What does that mean? I am more concerned about what my husband should wear. Is it a black suit, no tie?
“Casual elegant” is a new oxymoron for sure. I’d venture to guess it means something akin to dressy resort wear, but this could mean sportcoats and ties for men or not. I think the ambiguity of this phrase justifies a call to the host to clarify, “Joan, forgive me for the question, but what do you mean by ‘casual elegant?’ I’ve heard of casual and I’ve heard of elegant, but I have gotten lost somewhere in between!” all said with humor. Please do us a favor and let us know her response, as it would certainly educate us on what I personally think is an invitation phrase that needs clarification.
I have sent out 19 invitations to my daughter’s 8th birthday with an rsvp date. I have heard from one parent that it is typical of this area not to have return rsvp to parties. Since only 5 people have returned an rsvp (of yes), I don’t know what to do for cake size, party hats (handmade), and goodie bags. I know it’s very rude on their party but I’m afraid the children will get in the middle of bad adult manners. What should I do? I don’t want to spend/waste money on children who will not be here but I also do not want to make ‘waves’ in a new neighborhood.
Call those you have not heard from and say, “Jane, this is Sally Jones. I am calling to find out if Timmy will be at Sarah’s birthday party; we haven’t heard back from you.”
As annoying as this might be to have to do, your need to know so you can make proper arrangements trumps silently, and justifiably, stewing over their poor manners. And, I suggest that in the future, you coach Sally to say, as she passes out the invitations, “Timmy, we need to know if you are coming so we’ll have enough cake!” That will see you through elementary school at least, I bet.
My future mother-in-law appears to be a little passive-aggressive. For instance, I asked that my bridesmaids wear their hair up because I am giving them beautiful swarovski crystal earrings and I would like them to dangle and shimmer in the light. Aside from that, it is the only request other than dress color and brand (David’s Bridal) I made of my bridesmaids. Two of my four bridesmaid are from my fiance’s side of the family (his sister and her daughter). The sister apparently has financial issues and her daughter is a sophomore in college. My future mother-in-law decided she would not get her hair done because she would probably have to pay for her granddaughter’s hair appointment, so she would just cancel hers (the appointment I made for her at her request). My fiance conveyed the message to me and I said if it was a financial issue I would happily pay for her hair to be done. He said to drop it. What am I to do? I want to be a gracious bride, but I also don’t appreciate being made to feel guilty about asking for a favor on my wedding day. This is not the first instance of my mother-in-law acting like a martyr. What should I do?
Your wishes are being met, as all attendants will have their hair done. It is inappropriate for you to dictate or be concerned with the groom’s mother’s hairstyle. That is up to her. I do not believe she is being a martyr at all, but is seeking to please you by seeing to her granddaughter’s updo. Ideally, you should have offered to pay for you attendant’s hair styling, but at this date, I agree with your finace: drop it.
The first and most important thing you can do is treat the woman who gave birth to the love of your life with the utmost respect, appreciation, empathy and kindness. Do not place your groom in the position of having to defend his mother and never, ever let him hear you say another negative thing about his family. This will be hard at first, but will be an extremely valuable way to demonstrate your love of him.