B-List Invites: How to handle your second tier of wedding guests
2009 December 10
Q: My fiance and I can invite 30 guests to our wedding in Italy (because the villa we’ve rented can only accommodate that number). Our dilemma: Some of our A-listers are sure to decline-so how do we handle the second round of invitations?
A: Guest lists for destination weddings are always tricky. First, get the word out early to your top 30. Consider just phoning people; some may tell you on the spot whether they can make it. Mail invitations at least eight weeks before the wedding and ask for responses within two weeks (less time than usual but people will understand). As the regrets come in, start inviting your second tier-as long as it’s six weeks before the big date, so no one should be offended.
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Invite people you dearly want with you. Do not say anything about the villa until all the responses have been received. (Everyone should respond based on the thought that the lodging expense is theirs.) Then, once all the tally is in, invite certain people to stay at the villa.
Otherwise what would you say to an “A” lister who may have declined by phone, but then changes their response to a yes. You may have already invited that “B” person.
Best Wishes.
I left a comment in December about my husband’s niece not inviting our two children, 12 & 14 to her wedding, but she did invite her other cousins ages 18-28. We decided that my husband and I would go and made other plans for our kids. On Jan. 23rd, my niece called and said they are now invited! (Her wedding is Feb. 20th) Because our feelings had already been hurt and we have a certain amount of pride, we said the kids had already made plans and won’t be going. She was shocked and upset. We are now thinking it will be awkward to see her at her wedding and wonder what to say when people ask where our kids are? Thank you so much for your advice!
Sue, your niece seeking to make amends and you should graciously attend and demonstrate forgiveness to your children. I am very glad to see the bride is attempting to do the right thing.