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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
The law firm where I recently started work is having a Christmas party that lists on the invitation that it is “Black Tie Optional.” It is my first year, but I am told that this is a change from years past when men were pretty much expected to wear tuxedos. Women, apparently, generally wear cocktail dresses as opposed to more formal floor length gowns. I feel like a cocktail dress is probably still in order for me in the new “Black Tie Optional” work, but my question is about my boyfriend.
He wants to wear a tuxedo. I told him he could just wear a dark suit and get a new tie rather than rent a tux, but he thinks it will be fun to dress up. I imagine he will not be alone because many of the male lawyers said in passing that they had bought tuxedos their first year and want to get some more wear out of them. When he was ready to go to reserve a tux, he suddenly mentioned getting a tailcoat. I am under the impression that tails should be reserved for more formal affairs than one that is “Black Tie Optional” especially when the firm appears to be trying to dial down the formality this year. He thinks tails will be fine. I don’t want to spoil his fun, but I’m afraid formal tails just won’t be appropriate. What do you think?
Tails would not be appropriate and we hope you can convince him to make his debut in a conservative tuxedo. Quiet elegance is the target.
You are correct; tails are reserved for more formal affairs, and are almost never appropriate unless you’re a head-of-state type. A “black tie optional” event means either a tuxedo or a dark suit with a white shirt. While you are most considerate to consider your boyfriend’s feelings, you must remember that this is your first big event at your law firm, and whether or not his attire is appropriate may reflect on you. Encourage either a regular tuxedo or suit.
So your question is “Can you wear tails to a black tie optional event?” Pretty sure that is a no.
My husband can’t understand why I think it is inappropriate for me to out Christmas shopping on Black Friday with just his brother. Is there something in ettiquette I can use to help explain?
His brother wants to go but his brother’s wife is expecting and just wants to rest. I suggested that it might be fun for my husband and his brother to hang out. I am not opposed to going with both of them but I don’t feel comfortable going with just my brother-in-law. Can you help?
Your discomfort should be enough of an explanation, though we see nothing wrong in the expedition with your b-i-l if everyone else is ok with it. Social constrictions about being with a member of the opposite sex have relaxed over the years, but if something in your culture proscribes it, then don’t go. This is not a matter of etiquette so much as personal comfort.
must one use calligraphy to address wedding invitations? It is not easy for me to write in calligraphy and I really hate to have to hire someone.
Calligraphy is not necessary, but neat and pleasant penmanship is. Not only is correct name, title and address information necessary, but care should be taken in placement of it on the envelope. It should look as though your total concentration was given to addressing each invitation. Hasty scrawls are ok for bill paying, but not for an invitation to the most important event of your life.
No, calligraphy is not necessary. Neat penmanship with a nice pen will suffice. Best wishes and enjoy the wedding planning.
Are you having a formal wedding?