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We are attending a formal hunt ball with our children (yes, children are invited). The men will be wearing tuxedos or colors, but I had planned to have my 11 year old son wear a classic dark blue blazer, gray flannel trousers, a white shirt and a tie. I feel that children should not dress like little adults and moreover prefer my son’s own beautiful classic blazer and gray flannels to what would likely be a cheap-looking ill-fitting tuxedo from a rental shop. After all, the younger girls who attend the ball wear tea length dresses whereas women all wear floor-length gowns. Am I correct in dressing my son as I described, or must I rent him a tuxedo? Thanks in advance for any thoughts or advise.
What a great question. I will ask around the institute and see what people think about this.
Hi Sarah. The general consensus was that the attire you describe is appropriate dressy attire for a child at a very formal (black tie) function. The outfit you outlined as having ready for your son was exactly the example that my aunt Tricia suggested as being suitable for a small boy. Of course, you can always call the event planner or host and ask if you are unsure about what to wear to any occasion. Having said this, the feeling at the Emily Post Institute is that a tuxedo, especially a rented one, for someone who is not yet even a teen might seem out of place and make the child uncomfortable. You are very much on the right track in your thinking about this. Enjoy the ball!
Hi Daniel.
Thanks very much to you and your colleagues at the institute for your thoughtful reply. I feel much more confident in my choice of outfits for my son, and am truly looking forward to the ball!
Best,
Sarah
I have a question: A friend of my father is giving him a party for his 90th birthday. This is an old but not a close friend. He does not know the friends that my father currently associates with. My father does not want his current friends to have their feelings hurt by not being invited to this party. Should he ask the party giver if he can invite these people (12)? Should the party giver ask my father if there is anyone he wants to invite? Should my father have his own party and invite his other friends? If yes, should he have it before or after the party that is being given for him?
Thank you for your help.
Your father should let his old friend know there are people he wants to invite; the old friend should be happy to know this and have them in attendance. There is no need for all the other convolutions you have listed. Congrats to your father on his 90th!
A good friend, co-worker, is half way across the country at the moment sitting at his mother’s bed side in a hospital. She has mere hours left on this earth and a group of us at work would really like to send something of support to him. Being that we only know him and his wife should we wait until he returns home after the funeral? Should we send something over there for the funeral? We were thinking a card and flowers but weren’t sure if that would be appropriate. Some websites say flowers are good and some say they aren’t. Some say it depends on religion but, the sites contradict each other on the appropriateness of flowers for the same religion. I believe they are catholic, something we’ll need to find out for sure before sending anything. Any thoughts on how we can best express our sympathies would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
BM
Most definitely send flowers to his mother’s funeral, and don’t wait until they return home. The florist will attach a card on which you should have specified, “With our deepest sympathy, Your friends and colleagues at XYZ Corporation.” You should also send a card signed by all of you to his home address.
As for flowers or not with different religions, most Protestant or Christian, allow flowers at a funeral, except during Lent which runs about 6 weeks prior to Palm Sunday, which we are obviously not in at this time.
If your co-worker is not in touch with you after his mother passes, I would suggest you speak with his wife to get details of funeral arrangements, once his mother passes away. His wife will be able to clue you in on where the funeral is to take place and the mortuary to send the arrangement to. If you can’t reach or don’t hear from either of them, call the nurse’s station at the hospital and perhaps they can give you info. They may know the mortuary and you can call there to confirm appropriateness of a floral arrangement. Generally though, an employee will let his office know what is going on.
The tone of your inquiry indicates your sensitivity to and care for this man, and he is blessed to work with you and your group.