15 Comments

  1. LUBA KOSTIUK

    PLEASE HELP! MY DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED IN A FEW MONTHS. MY DILEMMA IS THIS; FRIENDS OF OURS WENT THROUGH A VERY BITTER DIVORCE YEARS AGO. HE IS OUR DAUGHTER’S GODFATHER BUT SHE WILL FEEL BETRAYED IF WE INVITE HIM. HE HAS SAID HE WON’T COME IF SHE’S THERE.WE KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM BOTH SPORADICALLY AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THE DIVORCE BUT WE DO WANT HIM TO BE AT THE WEDDING. HOW SHOULD I HANDLE THIS SITUATION????

    • Graceandhonor

      You do the gracious thing and send invitations to both of them; it is up to them to act like adults and decide if they are coming or not. If one of them says anything to you about the other receiving an invitation, respond, “My daughter loves you both and will miss you if you do not attend.” Do not let them back you into a corner or force you to choose sides.

      • LUBA KOSTIUK

        SHOULD I INDICATE ON THEIR INVITATIONS THAT THE OTHER HAS BEEN INVITED? I FEEL LIKE A MEDIATOR AND WANT TO AVOID A BAD SCENE AT THE WEDDING IF THEY BOTH DECIDE TO COME. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

        • Graceandhonor

          No, you should NOT indicate on the invitation who else has been invited. Do not allow yourself to be used as a mediator. If either of them exhibit bad behavior, then you should ask them to leave. Shame on them if they do, as it will ruin your daughter’s day.

          If you are this concerned about inviting them and their behavior, I suppose you could tell them they will both be issued invitations, but only if they give you a solemn promise of good behavior.

          Honestly, were I in your shoes, I’d give serious consideration to omitting them both, as they strike me as very self-absorbed.

  2. Amy Jo Lauber

    I use two first names, Amy Jo, both professionally and personally (although I’ve only used both for 20 of my 40 years). The problem is most people say “Mary Jo” and I find myself constantly correcting people. Is there a good way to handle this situation considerately and maybe even help people to remember my real name going forward? Thank you!

    • Graceandhonor

      Just keep replying, with humor, “That’s close, but its Amy Jo!” Say the same thing each time and eventually you’ll convert them, one at a time.

  3. Dara

    At a kids library event a child was coughing all over other kids. People were moving thier kids and giving the parent dirty looks. I asked the person running the event if she would mind asking if the child was OK? She said it was not her place to do this. I therefore asked the parent if he was Ok and found out it was an allergey – everyone relaxed! Problem solved, except the people at the library think I was rude for asking them to handle this….

    My question is:
    Do you think it was rude of me to ask the person “sponsoring” the event to take ownership of this issue?

    • Graceandhonor

      It is the librarian’s, or sponsor’s, job to handle anything that arises during their event, especially in these influenziatic (!?!) times. I would suggest contacting the head of the library and relaying your concerns about the staff person’s response and your suggestion that a protocol be established for staff to use in addressing this particular issue and that they understand, as sponsors of public events, it is their responsibility to manage them for the comfort and safety of the public.

  4. Elle

    My husband and I recently bought and moved into our house. We are still in the process of unpacking and doing minor fix-ups but it is general knowledge among our local friends that we will be hosting a housewarming party in the near future. A friend of mine, the only person I’m still in regular contact with from high school, has commented twice on my posts about my house saying that she is looking forward to coming to the housewarming, though I never mentioned anything online about having a housewarming. My friend lives two hours away. She has another friend that lives in the same town I do (also from high school but I am not friends with the other friend).

    I’m on the fence about inviting my high school friend to my housewarming at all because 1) she lives two hours away – if she’s willing to invite herself to the housewarming, I don’t want her inviting herself to stay at my house. 2) she won’t know anyone else there (I am considering letting her bring her boyfriend or other friend as a +1) 3)I don’t think she’ll have much in common with my current group of friends and I don’t want her to monopolize all of my time when she discovers that none of my friends enjoy same things/hobbies/interests she does (I’ve been stung by that in the past in spite of the “Excuse me I need to circulate” line). Even if I don’t invite her, I’d like to see her sometime to catch up but I can’t think of a nice way of putting it without hurting her feelings about not inviting her to the housewarming.

    Thanks for reading all of this, it’s longer than I had expected it to be.

    • Graceandhonor

      Your friend sounds like an enthusiastic person who takes pleasure in your news; this is the consequence of public postings you yourself placed about your private life. It is appropriate that you invite her to your open house; should she ask to stay with you, respond, “Oh, I’m sorry but this won’t be a good time; could Jane accomodate you that weekend? If not, I’ll be glad to help you find a hotel.”

      As for her fitting in with your new friends, that is her task to do so. As any good hostess would, greet her warmly, introduce her to a few people, and go do your hostess thing. Keep things light and airy and happy, and you’ll go to bed after your housewarming knowing that it was a genuine one.

  5. Tina

    Hi All,
    Trying to figure out how to properly address my fiance’s father and mother for our Engagement Announcement. His Dad is a Retired Fire Captain.

    Does Captain (RET) John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe sound correct? Don’t want people to think his dad is in the military either.

    Any info is appreciated!

  6. Kristina

    My husband’s birthday and our anniversary are three days apart. His parents often send us an anniversary gift in the mail, and three days later, they send a birthday gift. We generally celebrate both occasions at once and open both presents the same day. My question is about thank-you notes. We have occasionally sent two thank you notes a few days apart. We have also put two thank you cards in one envelope and sent them together. We have also used the same card, with my husband writing his thanks for the birthday gift on one side, and me writing our thank-you’s for the anniversary gift on the other. What is the correct etiquette in this situation for sending our thank-you’s?

    • Graceandhonor

      Technically, a thank you is required for each event, but I see nothing wrong with converting to a slightly longer letter from both of you (and signed by you both), thanking them for both gifts at the same time, and including chatty, happy details of how you celebrated both events. It would be nice to settle on a permanent modus operandi, yes?

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