Emily Post’s Birthday! It was on this day that the “Mistress of Manners” was born. Without her, none of this would be possible.
Q: My daughter wants a small wedding, so she didn’t invite any children. But a few RSVP’s have arrived with kids’ names written in. How can we tell parents to leave little ones at home?
A: An adults-only wedding is definitely the bride and groom’s prerogative. Though parents may disagree, it’s impolite to add a child to the guest list. So how do you stand firm? Call the RSVPers and say you’re delighted they can make it, but they’ll need to make other arrangements for their kids. If many out-of-towners are attending, perhaps you could hire a baby sitter. But regardless of what you do, it’s important not to make any exceptions because parents who do comply will be upset if they see a fellow guest’s children running around.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
I think it’s rather rude to add names to an invitation that were not originally there. The parents should have knowledge of this, I mean, come on.
What if invited guests decide to bring their adult (uninvited children)? Because of budget issues, the guest list is limited. How do you explain to the parents that their children weren’t invited?
What do you do if someone doesn’t add their children to the reply card (when they weren’t invited to begin with) and shows up with them anyway? We want to ensure there will be absolutely no children at our wedding (having witnessed screaming tantrums during speeches, running into waiters with hot food, pulling out cords during presentations, climbing onto tables during dinner, and being sick on the dance floor)? Is there anything at all we can put on the invite without looking tacky?
There really isn’t. Just put the adults names on the invitation and hope they’ll get the hint when they see their children names aren’t there. Most of the time when this happens people do add their children to the reply card in which case you can call them and tell them there are no children. If there’s someone in particular you’re concerned about this happening with, you or whoever knows the person can casually mention when discussing wedding plans that it’s an adult-only affair and hope they get the message.
Winifred is absolutely correct. However another option which will fail-safe any miscommunications may be to choose to hire a trustworthy sitter (or ask to utilize the services of a daycare) nearby for the duration of your wedding and let guests with kids know that is available to them. This will be welcome for those with children who may have to travel, as well as a way to completely ensure that no awkward moments arrise. It is a tasteful way to spread the word (They know adult-only weddings may be difficult for families, so they’ve hired a sitter so you don’t have to.) And even if after all the word of mouth, a clueless guest happens to show up with children, your close family or whomever can direct them (or take them) to the childcare center or sitter.
Yes, I suppose you’re right. We have families that with their European personalities, they sometimes (usually) ignore proper etiquette and do what they please. I’ll have to make sure our immediate families spread the word. Thanks!