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36th Birthday Party
My husband and I have several brothers and sisters and multiple nieces and nephews. We had decided about 5 years ago to not exchange birthday presents with our siblings and just give gifts to the children.
This year, my sister-in-law is throwing a 36th birthday party for my brother. I guess I actually have two questions:
1. If we attend the party, must we bring a gift, even though we’ve stopped exchanging? (the invitation did not specify) And does this mean I should by every sibling a birthday gift this year?
2. If we DO NOT attend the party…do you think we should still send a gift since we where invited to the party?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Since you have decided not to exchange gifts, then no, a gift is not mandatory. However, if you attend the party, it would be thoughtful to bring a hostess/host gift, such as a bottle of wine, champagne, flowers, etc., along with a card.
If you are not able to attend the party, send a birthday card wishing him the best.
Dear Kathy,
I was faced with a similar situation last year (we, too, do not exchange gifts amongst the siblings, but do so for the next generation). What I opted to do was make a donation to a charity of which I knew my sibling had supported previously, and provided a birthday card with a note inside saying that “For your birthday, we decided to support a group that means so much to you. A donation was made in your honor to charity X, and thank you so much for introducing us to them. They provide a tremendous service. No wonder you support them!”
As I would have given a birthday card anyway, the card was not out of the ordinary, and by making a donation, it honored the birthday in a manner (and price range) that was also comfortable for me.
In my particular case, my sibling was thrilled and said, “This is great! I love what this group does!” My in-law was happy, I didn’t make any issue out of the gift exchange, and the focus remained on the guest of honor.
While yes, there is an agreement regarding the gift exchange, sometimes these agreements need to bend. This met the objective of the party — to honor the birth of my sibling — and didn’t break my wallet (as the amount of the donation remained unknown to my sibling).
Hope this is helpful. I say attend the party and enjoy being an invited guest!
Best,
Jason
1. What about an inexpensive gag gift in lieu of a hostess gift? And, no, you don’t have to gift other siblings.
2. No.
Etiquette question: I am changing my name back to my maiden name after a divorce that ocurred ten years ago, and after raising my children. My children will be 18 in 5 months and are OK with my name change. What is the correct way to let all of my friends and family know of the name change. I would like to get a monogrammed note card with my maiden name, but how should I word the announcement? I thank you for your help. Sincerely, Patricia
Patricia Rioux Champlain
is pleased to announce
her legal name change to
Patricia Xavier Rioux
and continues to reside at
1234 Happy Horizon Lane
Dallas, Texas 12345
This can be printed on a flat, note-card size sheet, and horizontally would be fine. Choose a paper stock that makes you happy; it needn’t be formal.