Comments on: What About Hubby?: When your spouse is left off of the invite

By: Sadbuttrue

Sadbuttrue — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:42:20 +0000

Thank you!

By: Alicia

Alicia — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:32:53 +0000

When you put “and guest”on the grandmas invite you are allowing her to bring anyone she can make teh choice to invite her daughter or a friend to keep her company.
“and guest” is rude when soemone is in a socially commpited relationship like living together so you know for 100 sure who teh guest will be. In this case the grandma can bring her daughter or she can bring a friend. Either should be accepted if you write “and guest” on her invite

By: Sadbuttrue

Sadbuttrue — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:17:50 +0000

Thank you for your responses!

Alicia, I wanted to do just that, but thought it is traditionally considered rude to put “and guest” if you can possibly determine who the guest will be in advance. However, “and guest” may be the best compromise solution we have.

Just Laura, My daughter has her opinions about the people involved, but is leaving the decision as to whether or not to include her aunt to us. We don’t understand why my sister-in-law puts up with the husband’s behavior and she won’t discuss it. She wasn’t raised that way. That leaves open all kind of possibilities, not all of which are malicious intent on her part.

By: Winifred Rosenburg

Winifred Rosenburg — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:55:58 +0000

Maybe now would be a good time to air out your concerns with your sister-in-law. Have your husband speak to her and say something like, “for the sake of our other guests, we wouldn’t feel comfortable inviting your husband if there is any chance at all that he might say something about … Can you guarantee that that won’t happen? I’m holding you responsible if it does.” When she realizes her wedding invitation is on the line, she may feel more inclined to take action.

By: Just Laura

Just Laura — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:10:25 +0000

What does your daughter think/want? It is her wedding, after all.
Family members who were overly difficult or engaged in perpetual rudeness were not invited to my wedding, meaning none of my mother’s siblings nor their spouses were invited. This was my decision alone. Being related doesn’t automatically mean invitations must be forthcoming.

By: Alicia

Alicia — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:00:20 +0000

Yes it is tacky to invite only one half of a married couple. They are a social unit and thus you really should not invite one wuithout the other to a social occasion.
How about inviting grandma of the bride with and guest. then letting her know casually in conversation that bride and groom did not invite the aunt and uncle they are not close to and if she wants that aunt of the bride there she is welcome to bring aunt of bride as her guest.
That way grandma of bride can not complain that aunt of bride is not invited as she can bring her as her guest. If grandma decided to bring a different guest that is also grandmas choice. Tosses the whole problem in grandmas court.

By: Sadbuttrue

Sadbuttrue — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:23:00 +0000

How would you handle this challenge? My daughter is getting married soon and we are at a loss as to how to handle our situation. My husband has a sister who is married to the worst kind of bigot. He has never allowed us into his home and makes no bones about the reason. My sister-in-law tolerates his behavior toward us and so I have no use for her, either. Normally I would never invite either of them to our daughter’s wedding.

The issue is my mother-in-law . She is widowed and disabled to the point of needing assistance at the affair. She is close to her daughter and won’t know anyone else at the wedding. She won’t come if her daughter is not there and there would be WWIII if the daughter is excluded. The problem is my husband flat out refuses to host the bigot or include him on our invitation ( he wouldn’t come). Can we include my sister-in-law on my mother-in-law’s invitation to make it clear she is being invited only as a guest or is that tacky?

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 01:05:11 +0000

I agree with CG. While the invitation was addressed incorrectly, I would not let this mini faux-pas loom large in your mind. Rather, think about how your boyfriend’s family has treated you and how your interactions have been with them over the past year. If you find this mis-addressing of the envelope really out of character for the Stepmom, chances are it is a weird one-time thing and nothing was meant by it.

I actually don’t think you should have your boyfriend mention it, lest you gain a reputation for being overly sensitive and a bit of a drama queen. I’ll bet that she thought she was doing something nice by adding the +1.

By: Country Girl

Country Girl — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 22:07:40 +0000

You are right, not including your full name on the invitation is not appropriate. Boyfriend’s step mother should have called bf to get your correct spelling. The phrase “And guest” is used for a single person or for a brand new relationship where the couple does not live together. At this point in the game she should have the courtesy to at least know, as well as include, your name. On your other point, a Save the Date type invitation should have also included the names of all invited (Ie your boyfriend and yourself.)

While I understand completely your hurt, I do truly hope in her rush/stress boyfriend’s stepmother just had a momentary lapse of good judgment and meant no insult. If he feels it necessary, boyfriend may want to mention when he RSVPs for the both of you that his feelings were a little hurt that she didn’t include your name seeing as how you both, as a couple, have welcomed his family into your home and lives.

By: Shocked and Confused

Shocked and Confused — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 20:57:07 +0000

I am in a state of shock and I need a clear answer. Recently, my boyfriend’s father and step mother sent us a change the date card for the father’s retirement party. Originally it had been set for 2 months ago and due to a natural disaster, it had to be rescheduled for this month. Originally the invitation was addressed to my boyfriend only. The later sent change the date card was addressed to “Mr. John Doe and Guest”. I come from a background where decorum is only guided by common courtesy and my boyfriend’s family comes from an afluent background that includes debutants and tons of social training; so naturally I am curious to find out my answer in this situation. You see he and I have dated for a year and have lived together for 8 months, his family adores me, and I have even hosted them in my home for a birthday celebration in which they met my entire family, but the truth of the matter is I am a bit appauled and shocked that I was not mentioned as a real person on this card. Perhaps the initial invitation was a simple reminder for my boyfriend of the party details so it didn’t matter my name wasn’t on it, because of course I am invited; however, the “and Guest” revision to the change the date card has shocked me. Is this appropriate? My boyfriend states that she probably forgot my last name. Shouldn’t she have just asked him if she was unsure and addressed to both of us, or am I completely wrong and she is right? I am not used to the “proper” ways of things, so after hours browsing the web, I am still at a loss. My mother always addressed unmarried couples envelopes as Mr. Male Name and Ms. Female Name on seperate lines so as not to offend. I guess I am overly offended because the Author of the card is such a supreme example of fine form normally and it feels like this time not so much. There is no underlying agnst or disdain either, so it makes no sense. So accident on her part or ignorance on mine?

Sincerly Yours,
Shocked and Confused