Q: My cousin’s children are older than mine, and she’s always sending me their hand-me-downs. I don’t want to insult her; but these things are usually too worn or stained to put on my boys. Can I ask her to stop giving them to me?
A: If the two of you are close, and your sure she wouldn’t be offended, you can give it a try. But certainly don’t imply that the clothes aren’t up to your standards. Her motives are good, so be gracious. Thank her for her thoughtfulness, but say that your boys’ closets are overflowing. Then suggest that she send the clothes to someone who could use them more.
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I don’t think anyone would expect you to like everything that gets passed down. After picking out the clothes to keep (and do take some, to use for play clothes or even cleaning rags), my mom asks the giver whether she would like the rest back or if we can donate them to Goodwill.
I have two kids and have been given OOODLES of hand me downs as I have the 3rd and 5th children in the family, so someone is always outgrowing something. It has been my experience that the giver often expresses to me what they would like me to do with what I don’t want. I even had an aunt ask for the stuff back when my daughter outgrew it (she originally wanted to keep it for any other children that might come along). I think it’s very helpful to be told what to do with what you may not want right at the beginning.