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My husband and friends and I are all quite casual people. However, as I get older, I am not sure what to do when I go over to their houses and am wearing something like sandals. Do I walk around their house in my bare feet or should I be bringing another set of shoes that I haven’t worn outside to wear inside their house? I have tried the latter and it ends up seeming very formal and stands out a little too much. However, is that the right thing to do?
To clarify, are you referring to visiting friends who ask you to remove your shoes before you come in?
Dear Tracy,
You should follow suit of your hosts and other guests; if they have removed their shoes, you should, too. Since most American hosts do not provide house slippers for their guests to use during their visit, and if you know this particular host expects you to doff your shoes at the door, it might be wise to plan ahead and wear some sort of socks or hosiery so that you are not barefoot. However, if the gathering is casual and moves between the interior and the deck or pool, of course barefoot, like everyone else, is appropriate.
My immediate family always removes our shoes at the door as the world is a grimy place, but I am uncomfortable in demanding the same of a guest, as they may feel awkward, as your question demonstrates. Having traveled throughout the Orient, though, and observed this practical and respectful habit, I can say this is one cultural habit I wish we Americans would adopt.
GraceAndHonor is quite right – follow the guidelines of the host or hostess. If they take off their shoes, then by all means, ask if you can as well (I always ask even if everyone is barefoot, just to make sure there isn’t a problem – better to ask than not). However, if they are not going barefoot, then you should bring something in your purse, bag or pocket even to put on.
I remember a little story and some have said it was Queen Victoria and some have said it was Queen Elizabeth II. Either way, it shos how to be a good host and you can turn it around to be a good quest as well …
Sitting next to the Queen as a very kind man from another country. Not being aware of the customs of England and the Western world, he picked up his finger bowl and drank from it. The Queen didn’t skip a beat and picked up her bowl as well and drank from it. Everyone at the table began to do the same.
This shows that while not proper, good etiquette is sometimes less about doing the exact thing, and more about doing the right thing – making the quest feel comfortable and the gathering go smoothly.