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I’m in an unusual predicament regarding wedding thank you notes, and I thought perhaps someone here could help.
My husband and I were married late last spring, and as he has a bit of an artsy side, he designed our thank you cards when we returned from our honeymoon. Unfortunately, it took him quite a while to get them finished, and once they were finished, the printers made a mistake, so it was several months after our wedding before we received our thank you cards. By that time, I was back in school and very busy, but I assumed we’d put in a few extra late nights and have them off. However, my husband, always considerate of my work, kindly offered to do them himself, insisting that I was too busy and he could easily and quickly write them himself, since I already had typed up a list of the gifts, gift givers, and addresses. So I agreed, and that was the end of it, I thought. This summer—a year and two months after our wedding—I discovered that he has not yet written or sent the thank you cards. At this point, though I am horrified that they have not yet been sent out, I’m wondering if it is just too late. Should we send the thank you cards a year and two months after the wedding, or would it be better to leave it alone, hoping everyone has forgotten by now that they never received a thank you card from us? If we do send the cards now, how on earth should we word an apology for the lateness of the thank you cards?
I immensely appreciate any advice regarding this awkward and unfortunate situation.
Thank you.
Sarah
Uh – oh. While definitely gasp worthy, this is not as uncommon as you might think (or hope). The old saying “better late than never” does indeed apply here. The practice of thanking people for wedding gifts is still a strong enough standard that it is a good idea to get it done even if you are more than a little late. On the thank you card simply acknowledge briefly and perhaps with some good humor, that you know it is late in arriving but that you do so appreciate the gift given and the givers help in marking your special day. Hopefully everyone can enjoy the bumps and starts in communication that naturally come with a new marriage. Best of luck.
Thank you very much, Daniel. I am very grateful to you for your assistance with this matter and will follow your advice accordingly. And thanks for the well-wishes, also.
Hi, I really hope that someone can help me, as this dilemma that I am in is causing a lot of upset and stress.
My parents were married for 18 years before they divorced. They are still friendly with each other and have a good relationship. My father remarried to “Sandra” 5 years ago. My mother is in a same sex relationship with a woman, “Mary”, and have been together for 14 years.
I am getting married in September. I am the first of their children to get married and their only daughter. I had asked my parents if they would, for me, walk into the reception together, and be introduced together, not as a married couple, but as my parents. My mother was all for this, because she wanted me to be happy. She also did not want to embarrass me or herself, being “outed” to my fiance’s family if she was escorted by Mary, her partner. I wanted to spare her the unwanted spotlight, and the stares, because let’s face it: there are some people that are not very tolerant. And I did not want my wedding become a spectacle.
My father flat out refuses to escort my mother into the reception, and insists on escorting his current wife instead. I told both of them that I no longer wanted to talk about it, and that this is something they need to work out, amicably, on their own. My mother called him and tried to talk to him, but he would not budge. She called my brother, because she was highly upset and needed someone to talk to other than the bride-to-be. My brother in turn calls me, and tells me that I should get on the phone with my father and talk some sense in to him.
Believe me, I did try.
He said that there is nothing unreasonable about his request, and that it happens all the time at weddings, and that I should just accept his choice. I pointed out to him that my mother was very upset, because she felt that her role as my mother ( and his ex wife of 18 years) was being diminished, and that she wasn’t being properly appreciated. Would it be so hard for him to spare 30 seconds away from his wife to escort my mother? He suggested having someone else escort her, but, again, I feel that diminishes her role in all of this. He was very firm and would not budge, even though I told him it is what I want for my wedding day. He said this is not his problem, but my mother’s if she is upset with this decision. I told him I feel he should do the proper thing. He says that this IS the proper thing.
My father told me to come to this website and ask this question, and see what people say. I know that opinions won’t change his mind, but maybe they will make my hurt and disappointment just a little bit less. My thoughts are, if they are my parents, they should be introduced as my parents, together. I feel it should not matter that they aren’t together anymore. My stepmoms did not raise me..my PARENTS did.
Dear Jamie,
I can feel the pain you are experiencing in trying to appease everyone involved in this situation, and I understand your objective. However, there is another way to solve this without ruffling your father or embarrassing your mother. No one should “walk into the reception together” but you and your new husband. If you are having a receiving line, both parents could be in it. Technically, their current spouses should be, too, but in view of everyone’s testiness, perhaps the spouse and significant other would be willing to sit it out while their partners do “line duty” for a little while.
If you are not having a receiving line, then it gets even easier. After the reception has begun, you might ask for everyone’s attention and say, “Thank you all for being here for our happy event. At this time, I would like to recognize my parents, Bill..stand up and bow, Dad…and Cathy…stand up, Mom… and thank them for all the love they have given me in my life.” One prays you are not assigning this important moment to a paid deejay.
It will be important for you to personally go up to your father’s wife later, hug her, compliment her dress, and tell her how glad you are she is with you on your special day, and do the same for your mom’s friend.
Your father is correct in that the arrangement you proposed is stilted, (and slights his current wife) and I suspect brings up feelings he’d rather not broadcast. And, this does not diminish your mother’s role as your mother, and there is nothing to acknowledge between your father and mother now that she is his ex-wife. Your error is in trying to force them as a couple, and not instead your individual parents.
If you accept this proposed solution, then it would be best to let both parents know this is how you are going to handle it, and ask their cooperation with you and cordiality with one another.
Now, on to more important things…a long and happy, happy marriage to you!
Thank you very much for your suggestion! It is appreciated and in these past few days I have come to understand more of my Dad’s views on all this. It does not change the fact that people have been hurt, but this is something that everyone involved is going to have to accept. I will talk to them about your suggestion, and again, thanks.
Please let us know how things go, and best wishes to you and your family!
I am pregnant and I do not feel comfortable with others touching my stomach, especially because the baby’s movements aren’t detectable from the outside. One of our most excited supporters is my father-in-law, and while I am thankful he is so excited, I am not comfortable with him touching my stomach. I know his feelings will be hurt if I say anything, even in the most polite or respectful way, is there any way to soften the blow?
Have your husband deliver the message over the phone or sometime when you’re not there. He could easily say, “Dad, we appreciate how excited you are for the baby – we are too. However Stephanie really dislikes having her stomach touched by anyone – even me – and we would appreciate it if you didn’t do it unless invited.”