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2009 July 13
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Hello all,
I’m hosting a bridal shower for my niece, and one of our guests happens to be a princess. How do I refer to her (I’m 55, she’s late-sixties)? Should my children refer to her as ‘princess’? How should my elderly parents (80s) address her?
Many thanks!
Dear Elizabeth,
When introducing the princess to someone, “Jane, this is Her Royal Highness, Princess Grace.” During conversation you may then address the princess as “Princess Grace.” Everyone in attendance should address her as “Princess Grace” regardless of their age. (I suspect your children will fall right into line with this!) If, however, the princess says, “Please, call me Grace,” her wish should be noted, and it would be incorrect for someone to continue calling her “Princess Grace” after she has requested to be called “Grace”. However, your children should continue to call her “Princess Grace” unless she specifically asks them to call her “Grace.”
Gracious!
It is not customary for citizens of the U.S. to curtsey to royalty of another country (as we believe all are on equal footing) , though a bob of the head is certainly polite.
Just be a gracious hostess and do not make much ado about your special guest and everything will be fine. The world’s royalty knows we Americans are a gracious, though less formal lot!
Dear Elizabeth,
Every person should refer to your niece’s guest in the same manner disregarding their age. As for the correct form, it depends on where she is from. Not all Princes and Princesses are of a royal family and hold the title Royal Highness.
Using Princess toghether with the last name is the most correct way of addressing her, no different from Mrs. Smith but Princess Smith. The title and name (Princess Laura) is for the headlines of magazines and is not suitable at all in conversation.
Regarding the degree of formality it is the just same as any person one has just been introduced to, some prefer to be called by name, others by thier title (Doctor Dowell).
After many years of marriage I still refer to my mother in law as Principessa, while other elderly friends holding titles have asked me to use their first names.
However do not mistake formal for stiff, one can hold a formal yet bubbly and pleasant conversation. On the other hand stiffness would drive the atmoshphere of this joyfull event on the wrong road.
Eleonora Tortorici Marchioness of Montaperto
When invited by a friend as the guests of honor (wedding anniversary) is the hostess required to ask us for our guest list and should we volunteer to bring some expensive wine, flowers , something to add to the evening. The hostess is not wealthy and we would like to contribute. Is it just good manners that we do or is it required? Thank you.
You are very kind to be thinking about how you could help your friend. As the guests of honor, very little is required of you except your good graces. Because you are not hosting the event, the guest list is ultimately the responsibility of your friend although she might ask you if there is anyone in particular you would like to invite or if there are any glaring omissions. You are of course welcome to offer your assistance in the preparation and some sort of thank you gesture would be appropriate on your part weather this is at the event or extended afterward. Have fun!
Many thanks, Graceandhonor!
Dear Elizabeth,
My suggestions were based upon Emily Post’s recommendations; it is proper to address English royalty in the manner I suggested. If your guest is from elsewhere, perhaps your daughter could give you advance word on the way in which the Princess wishes to be addressed. Really, the courtesies are no different than that of any polite company; graciousness is the standard!
Just another word on princesses – one should check because I believe a prince or princess (like in Monaco) can be SERENE highness as well as ROYAL highness.
Just throwing that out there.
When in doubt, check the protocol of the country.
It is good to hear from you old friend. I do like Serene highness. Somehow it sounds very refined.
Generally, your advice to check the protocol of the country or region the person is from makes good sense.
Thank you Mr. Senning, it’s a pleasure to be back.