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We recently hosted a casual party and over 100 friends, neighbors, and family members attended. Many brought hostess gifts, bottles of wine, flowers, and the like. Some did a little more.
My husband was greeting people at one door and I greeted people at another. All gifts were placed on a central table, but many had no identifying card. I wrote thank yous for those gifts that seemed outside the l0vely, but obligatory. I didn’t write for every bottle of wine or bouquet of flowers. And I couldn’t write for those that were unidentifyable!
What’s the rule for writing thank yous for such gifts? Should we have kept better track of who brought what, and written notes to all?
Thanks for your help!
Its easy to become overwhelmed in a party setting, what with juggling welcoming guests, making introductions and seeing to refreshments, let alone keeping track of who brought what. I personally think you and your husband were quite saavy to split up and answer both doors and have a central repository for the hostess gifts.
As Anna Post noted in her Holiday Advice Week column last December for the Washington Post, “If you said thank you in person for a thank-you gift, you don’t need to send a thank-you note as well, though you certainly could if you wanted to–it’s never wrong.” One of Ms. Post’s correspondents made the comment that writing thank you notes for hostess gifts was akin to thanking for being thanked, but I think your instincts in writing notes for especially thoughtful gifts was a good one. I personally get the warm and fuzzies in writing notes to those who care enough about me to do something nice, so its like enjoying the warmth of the receiving moment all over again.
I also read, in Ms. Post’s same column, of someone who received a bottle of wine with a note from the recipient written right on the label; what a good idea, as the host knows who gave it, and upon opening the bottle later, can toast their fortune to have such a thoughtful and together friend. I’m adopting this idea, in some form, for all hostess gifts I give in the future.
I went to a trendy restaurant with a friend, and while being seated, the waiter mentioned that the bathrooms were at the end of the hall to our left. We later overheard telling the next table. My friend thought it has helpful information, while I thought it was in poor taste, rude.
Can you help settle the matter?
Dear Ccorrada,
While I am sure this waiter’s intentions were meant to be helpful, I would find this kind of information, unless asked for, a little off-putting, too. I don’t think this rose to the level of rude, so much as “t.m.i.” Most people who dine out can find their own way to the restroom, but if not, should quietly ask a staff person.
But this is not as bad as the awful habit of servers at one popular “Aussie” chain who have been trained to squat at the table while taking your order. You might, as I did, quietly approach the management and without personalizing your complaint, state, “While your employee may be trained to squat at the table (or share the bathroom location unasked) in a misguided affectation to appear hip and friendly, it is in fact, annoying (or unrefined), and your patrons deserve better.” (And, when I went there again, and they were still doing it, the first thing I said, in a pleasant tone, to my waiter during his mid-squat, was, “While I know you are trained by the management of this restaurant to squat while at my table, I must tell you your gratuity will go down each time you do.”)
A polite patron, with money to spend, can usually have it their way. My local “Aussie” restaurant’s servers no longer squat; I like to think it because I gave one
.