Q: I’m appalled that some friends of my daughter and her fiance have asked if they can bring dates to their wedding, even though the invitations make no mention of allowing extra guests. Isn’t it improper to ask?
A: Yes, it is, first and foremost-as you well know-because weddings are expensive, which is why the bride and groom spend hours paring down the guest list. Moreover, wedding aren’t dating events, so if an invitation isn’t addressed to the recipient “and guest,” it means “no date.” If someone doesn’t know enough not to ask to bring along an extra person, simply say that dates can’t be included. An exception could be made however, if the bride and groom invite someone and subsequently learn that the person is engaged. They can then choose to extend an invitation to the fiance too.
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Can you help with a non-wedding invitation situation? I am planning a retirement party to be held at a restaurant and plan to pay for the dinners for invited guests. How can I word the invitation so it is understood that I will pay for the invited guest only and if someone wants to bring a companion, he must pay for that person.
“Please be our guest for dinner….” addressed to the one you wish to invite.
When the invited person R.s.v.p.’s and mentions they are bringing a guest, reply, “We are happy to have you as our guest and if you want to bring Ann, the cost for her will be $50.”
Guests should not assume they can bring someone not on the invitation and so when they say they are, the above is about the only way to handle it.
If you say “and date” on the invitation, then someone can rightly assume you will be paying for the date as well. This is why I recommend you do not use “and date” but wait for someone to ask about a date attending.
I wonder if this person knows, though that if the “dates” are spouses, etiquette says they are to be invited.
True, Jordan, but I think the inquirer is differentiating between spouses and the unattached single who is presuming to ask to bring a date unknown to the wedding couple and/or whom they are unprepared to host.