Thanks Everyone, and Welcome to Etiquette Daily
Please indulge me in an extended introduction to today’s open thread.
I want to tell everyone here about a heartwarming moment for me that happened at the EPI Monday staff meeting. I was giving the weekly update and was gently boasting about all of you and how thoughtful and multi-dimensional the conversation is getting at the Daily. My mother, Cindy Post Senning, having spent the weekend with her parents and brother, chimed in. They had been looking at the discussion here and were so enthused by the level of discourse. You all impressed some of the toughest critics in the family.
This forum is a new experiment for the Post family and EPI staff (who are practically family at this point). You are all really helping to define it and make it a success. I want to thank everyone who has taken the leap of faith and come here to ask for advice as well as those who have given such thoughtful replies. You treat each other with such respect and consideration, modeling the behavior that we all try to advocate for. I look forward to seeing how this community continues to grow and change with time. It feels good to know that etiquette and civility are alive and well in our world today.
As always, this open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
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My 17yo daughter had some serious struggles in the 10th and 11th grade, physically and emotionally. After much discussion among family and counselors, we decided to allow her to drop out of school and get her GED. She was able to do this within two weeks of leaving school, and has tested at college level. She is enrolled in community college for this fall.
How do I announce to family and friends that she has earned the GED? Most are not even aware of the issues we have had, and I don’t want to seem like we are soliciting gifts, but are very proud of her.
Also, how do we answer the questions about our decision once people find out, without spilling all our personal and private information?
Dear Ginger,
If ever there has been a correspondent on this website to whom I can relate, it is you. I am the mother of two boys, both of whom have had recent struggles with school and life, because of the recent death of their father and his long struggle with brain cancer.
My oldest has a history similar to that of your daughter’s, and is now enrolled in a respected university. Because there was no ceremony to which to invite someone for his GED accomplishment, we did not make a formal announcement, but if someone was unaware of our family news, informed them when they inquired. This is probably the best m.o. for your situation, too. I always make it a point, particularly within my son’s earshot, to note his current achievements and dreams for the future. Those who haven’t walked a mile in our shoes cannot understand what we’ve been thru, and any attempt at formal announcement may seem forced, so set your eyes on the future, and keep up the good work as your daughter’s champion. Onward and upward!
Dear Grace and Ginger,
Clearly you are both caring and loving parents who have supported your children well. Your support shows your children that you respect as well as love them and will give them strength that will last them a lifetime. Kids everywhere tell me time and again that they learn basic values of respect, consideration and honesty from their parents. So in addition to giving them much needed support, you have given them values that will strengthen their relationships throughout their lives.
By the way, I agree with Ginger’s advice. Look ahead. Get the word out at family get togethers and through close family members and friends how excited and proud you are that your daughter is off to college. Call her grandparents: “We just wanted to let you know the great news. Caroline is going to ‘Name’ College in September and we are all so proud.” Then, if she wants, give her the phone and let her tell them what she is planning to study or…. That news is indicative of the fact that she has completed high school and is all that you need to say. In addtion, you can celebrate her accomplishment with a special gift or a dinner out at the restaurant of her choice.
I need to ask a question, I’m not sure if this is the right place. If not, could you please direct me to the right place to ask a question.
I am attending a BBQ in August. I am on a forum about Equine Abuse & Neglect, called the Windchill Legacy and they have started this Legacy, they do Educational Outreaches, have a gelding program and trying to pass the Windchill Law.
Anyway, this is their 2nd annual BBQ. Members of the planning committee, have suggested a certain hotel with a good rate, which is about $120 per night. The head of the BBQ planning asked me to stay at her home for the 3 days. I need to know, should should I offer some money for the 3 nights and how much. The host also collects salt & pepper shakers and loves wine. I am flying in, so I need to watch what I pack.
Last year I stayed with someone different and offered about half of what the hotel cost would be. She refused the money and I donated in her name and mine to the Legacy.
Hi Eileen. It is of course a really good idea to bring a house-gift when you are staying at someone’s home. It is also very kind of you to consider offering to pay or possibly put some of your housing costs toward a donation to the cause that you all care about, although this is not expected as an invitation was extended to you. If you do decide to do this, I would still bring a small house gift of some sort as it is nice to make a contribution to the home that will be accommodating you. Graceandhonor, a frequent contributor here, gave a great list of possible house-gifts in response to a recent question that will be a front page post in the next day or two and might have some ideas that could be useful. Have a great time at the BBQ.
Is it impolite, rude, unlady-like, or just plain WRONG for a woman to whistle? I sing in a group at church and have lots of music in my head most of the time. I am a health inspector and have received a few negative comments about my whistling during inspections from restaurant owners. It’s probably a bad habit, but I don’t even realize I do it sometimes. I respect the fact that it is unprofessional during inspections, but I’ve received other negative comments away from work.
Lets not layer this issue with gender; whistling is best enjoyed when one is alone, just as humming should be avoided in a business situation. I’ll whistle while I work if I’m scrubbing my shower stall at home, but not at my office desk.
Generally, when people start to comment negatively on a behavior, its time to correct that behavior.