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Hello. I was at a wedding and had fun, but Mom got upset with me on the way home from reception because I was lacking class and finesse on the way home. Firstly, I was too eager to dance with the crowd – they were having a good time as I did, but Mom reined me back. When the DJ called us for a dance, I went to the middle of the dance floor and danced as I should, but Mom told me to come back here and stop. She told me that I was being so selfish and egocentric that it embarrasses her. She told me that I should be ashamed of myself for being this rude! Also, I was a naturally loud speaker, so as an autistic, it’s hard for me to control my volume of my voice. I was nearly in tears that day, but I had to fight my emotions. I really want to run away from home right now.
Was what I was doing at the wedding out of touch with decorum and etiquette? Was I being too selfish that way? What do you think and how should those insulting moments be averted the next time I’m at a wedding reception? Please respond to me promptly with detailed tips!
Dear Talfonso,
I am sure your mother did not intend to hurt your feelings; sometimes we mothers don’t express ourselves in the best way. After a little time has passed, you might approach your mom and say, “I’ve been thinking about the wedding and what you said. I want to learn and would appreciate your telling me specific things I should be aware of.”
This is a mature way to discuss the matter. Listen carefully to her answer and remember, imperfect as she is, she has your best interests at heart.
Thank you very much for the advice. I found out that I was standing out from the crowd way too much, so the main reason why my mother rebuked me for my behavior at the wedding is because I was not subdued enough. Being subdued means being seen and being heard in the crowd most of the time. As an autistic, between PDD-NOS and Asperger’s on the spectrum, it’s really hard for me not to be to much of a show-off and at the wedding, I lacked self-control. If you can give me tips on reserving myself, you know, being in the background 75% of the time the next time I go to a wedding with a reception that includes a dance floor, so I can be considerate of others, as well as my mother, I’d appreciate that.
You are obviously a very intelligent person; I would suggest using your powers of observation to carefully see and be aware of how the majority of those around you are behaving. This is generally a good barometer, no matter where you are. Joy and enthusiasm are wonderful feelings; just be sure an excess of your own doesn’t rob someone else of theirs. Good luck to you.
Thank you very much, Graceandhonor! I will read it over and over again to prepare myself for a wedding.
Hello,
I was wondering the protocol on wedding invitations. My Fiances mother wants to be included on the wedding invitation. I don’t want to because my father and Stepmother are hosting the event and the wording is request your presence to the marriage of. I don’t like the way it reads with son of in their. Please let me know the proper way.
Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Stephanie Marie Smith
to
Stephen Patrick Johnson
Son of Mr & Mrs. Johnson
Unless your fiance’s mother is contributing monetarily to the wedding or reception, it is not her place to be named on the wedding invitation, and it is shocking she is demanding this. To diffuse the situation, your fiance should speak with his mother and explain that she will be recognized at the reception, in the reception line when standing next to him, as she is introduced by him as his mother.
Traditionally, the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. His mother is free to word invitations to this that make it clear he is her son, but should compose the guest list with input from the bride and her family. The gracious thing to do is to include not only members of the wedding party, but also wedding guests who have traveled a great distance to attend the festivities.
Above all, remain serene and keep your sense of humor!
I’d like to clarify my answer:
The format that has been traditionally used for wedding invitations evolved during the time when young women still lived with their parents (and were protected and sheltered) and it was assumed that the men they were marrying were independent, and therefore capable of taking on a wife and supporting her. While times have changed and both parties are often independent and many invitation variations exist for those in different life stages, this is still the reason a man’s parents are not mentioned on wedding invitations.
Two of my roommates recently had a disagreement and I was hoping to get people’s opinions on the matter. One of my roommates thinks that you should always tip the “beer guy” at a baseball game while the other roommate adamantly disagrees. Who is right?
While the beerguy might not be as good-looking as some barmaids, he nevertheless is performing the same service of bringing libation to you, and probably adds more to your group’s comraderie than anyone else that day. Be gracious in your friendly respect and monetary acknowledgement. Tipping is a physical manifestation of the Golden Rule and is kind to those who make our lives pleasant. Here’s hoping the generosity of one roommate rubs off on the other.