Open thread
2009 June 24
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I am getting married in under 2 months and one of the grooms men is mad at us and is no longer speaking to us bc my future husband is going to be playing softball the day before HIS wedding. Our grooms men is getting married 3 weeks after us. But he is mad and refuses to speak to us. I have texted him, e-mailed, sent messages on facebook, and called. My soon to be husband has done the same and we get no responce what so ever from him. We are now at the point where we have sent out all of our invites to the wedding and we have called him to make sure that it was fowarded to his new address (we have asked for it for over a month and a half) and he refuses to talk to us. We now would like to ask him not to be a part of our wedding. I have had enough of his games and to be truthful he is not being a good friend at all. How do we ask him not to be in the wedding since he will not pick up the phone? also my husband is to be his best man 3 weeks after i get marred, he no longer wants to be in the wedding and wants noting to do with him any more. please help this is really stressing me out!
Hi! I have a tricky etiquette question. How do I submit it to the Etiquette Daily blog? Many thanks!
Marc, regarding your etiquette inquiry, you can post it here in this thread, if you like.
Hi! Hope you can help with a tricky etiquette problem my wife & I are having. A few weeks ago my wife experienced a sudden & serious illness. She was in the hospital for a few days and sent home to recover. While the doctors expect her to make a full recovery (thank heaven), right now she is quite weak. Our neighbors learned of my wife’s condition and tried to think of a way to help. Knowing how important a neat house is to her, they decided to collect money to pay for a cleaning service. Here’s the dilemma: our neighbors’ efforts were so successful that they raised enough money to pay for the cleaning service for several months. Happily, my wife’s recovery is expected to be much shorter than that. So the question is: Is it bad form to continue to use the proceeds raised for the cleaning service when my wife is fully capable of resuming her old activities? I’ve suggested donating the unused portion to a popular charity in the town’s name. My wife thinks that would appear ungrateful. Your help is greatly appreciated.
Communicate to him via each way you have attempted before:
Dear John, As you know, we have tried to reach you and are sorry we haven’t been able to connect. We appreciate your initial interest in participating in our wedding, but understand your decision not to at this time. We hope you and Cathy have a great wedding, too.
Sincerely,
Jack and Jill
This conveys that you have removed him from the wedding party and are declining participation in his, but is gracious and leaves the door open in case he ever wants to come forward and explain himself. It could be something terrible going on with him, and he may need your kindness. Or, he may be upset about something you’ve done. In either case, it is encumbent upon you to be the gracious one, be forgiving, be kind. Consider this the first test of your marriage unity. Let it go. Move on.
graceandhonor – I want to be you when I grow up! your advice is so wonderful!
I feel the same way ; )
Thank you, Messrs. Flynn and Senning. I am most happy to be of service.
Dear Marc,
How blessed you and your wife are to have such caring neighbors. Might I suggest that when your wife writes thank you notes to each of those who donated funds that she acknowledges more was received than needed, and therefore she is suggesting the overage be used to start a neighborhood sunshine fund for others in the neighborhood when they are in similar circumstances? This fund could be administered by the neighborhood homeowners association or welcome committee or women’s group or somesuch. And kudos to you for wanting to do the right thing.
Dear Graceandhonor,
Thank you for your helpful advice. Yes, we have been blessed in many ways. I wish the same for you and those you care about.
Regards,
Marc
What a thoughtful suggestion.