Comments on: Open thread

By: Daniel Post Senning

Daniel Post Senning — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:09:16 +0000

It is too bad that your guests did not take the hint and have not reciprocated the gifts that you got for their children. At the same time it is hard to know what the situation is for the other family. They may have a very different set of expectations around giving gifts at the holidays. Based on your past experience I would assume that they are not going to bring presents and plan accordingly. This might mean inviting them to dinner and not buying gifts for their children this year. If they happen to choose this year to bring something, simply thank them and acknowledge how unexpected the gesture is.

By: Daniel Post Senning

Daniel Post Senning — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:56:23 +0000

Generally this is a topic to approach with care as some people feel this is personal information. It is certainly best left alone for a first meeting. As Sean-Thomas points out, good humor can serve you well in these types of situations. You might respond “Not nearly as young/old as I look.”

By: Daniel Post Senning

Daniel Post Senning — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:19:55 +0000

Yes. As Sean-Thomas referenced, this is exactly the right thing to do.

By: Sean-Thomas Flynn

Sean-Thomas Flynn — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:35:54 +0000

To Sally: I JUST read this in my 17th edition of Etiquette and you are totally correct. Unless of course, your host or hostess has stated otherwise.

By: Sean-Thomas Flynn

Sean-Thomas Flynn — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:34:44 +0000

To Shannon: I think it’s rude to ask anyone their age, regardless if it’s a man or a woman. Granted, if this was a physician or nurse asking in the course of treatment, then it would be appropriate. Also too, I have a tendency to let the question slide when asked by an elderly person or someone who is a friend of my mother’s (it’s not worth getting the person upset and maybe embarassing my mother at the same time). However, in a casual encounter, you could say with respond with a broad smile and say, “Old enough to know not to ask someone their age.” Most like Mrs. Post would know how to phrase it even better than myself.

By: Sean-Thomas Flynn

Sean-Thomas Flynn — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:29:36 +0000

To Linda: You are right, only the children are suffering. This sounds like a problem with the parents, but again, gifts are to be giving because you want to, I think, not because you expect something in return. Maybe I am wrong but with-holding the childrens gifts smacks of vindictiveness and as a way to hurt the parent through the children. Stop inviting the parents to dinner – that should solve that problem and instead of buy gifts for their children, get gifts yourself for your children.

By: Sean-Thomas Flynn

Sean-Thomas Flynn — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 18:25:11 +0000

To Kathleen: Your friend that invites you but you dont want to go. Simple, just do not be available. “Hey I am going here, do you want to come?” response, “I can’t that night, I have a prior committment.” Go to the things you want to go to, and politely decline the other. Even if you are staying in by yourself, are You can be your own committment. As for your friend that comes to stay, I would think even though you are offering her to stay in your home, I don’t believe she has to take you out. You offered out of the goodness of your heart, one would then assume that her company was enough for you. On the other hand, if she doesn’t treat you well and you feel resentful about it, see my answer to your first one, and don’t have a room available.

By: sally

sally — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 01:04:07 +0000

When spending the night in someone’s home as a guest, what do you do with your sheets before leaving? I decided to remove the sheets and leave them folded in the room after making up the bed with just the bedspread. Was this correct?

By: Shannon Vinson

Shannon Vinson — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 18:39:56 +0000

I’ve been encountering many situations as of late where individuals (men and women alike) are asking my age. Is this appropriate upon first meeting someone? I’m 28 and always thought you were never meant to ask a lady her age!

By: Linda

Linda — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 01:25:57 +0000

Every Christmas for the past 17 years my husband and I host a sit down dinner for our family. We have two children a 17yr old and 20yr.old. Every year my first cousin and his wife bring their children , both under the age of five. However they never bring a gift for my children and rarely bring a hostess gift. Last year I casually mentioned to the wife that it was unnecessary for her to bring a hostess gift and suggested that instead she might want to bring for the children. Fast forward to this year–They do not bring a gift for my children, I refuse to give their children the gift that I had purchased for them because my kids insisted that we give them nothing if they came with their arms swinging. I feel bad about this since the little kids are the only ones being penalized, however the past four years we have been giving a gift and receiving zilch. Rather than withholding the gift is there something else that you might suggest that I could have done— I have next year to contend with!