1. Kim Murphy

    My parents and fiancee had a surprise 50th birthday for me. One of my best friends since 12 years old was not there. I asked my mother if she invited my friend and my mother said yes, but my friend did not RSVP. My mother did not have my friend’s phone number, so she looked it up on switchboard.com, but the phone number did not appear, so my mother was unable contact my friend to find out why she did not respond to the invitation. My friend is very upset with my mother because she missed the party. My friend is very upset with me because I did not call her from the party. My opinion is that it would be improper or poor etiquette to call from the party and ask my friend why she is not there. My friend is inconsolable and very upset with my mother and me. What do you think?

    • Daniel Post Senning

      It sounds like family and friends went the extra mile to be sure that your big day was a special occasion. How unfortunate that someone ended up with hurt feelings. You are correct that it is a lot for someone to expect that you would have left your guests at a big surprise party in your honor to check on the status of missing RSVP’s from the original guest list. Despite feeling hurt and left out, I am sure your friend will realize this given time. Being one of your best friends, I am sure that she was missed. Be sure to tell her this when you remind her that your mother was trying to organize this while keeping it a secret and may not have been able to make all of the contacts that you would have liked to make had you been doing this for yourself. You might also suggest some way that the two of you could get together to celebrate both your birthday and your long and special friendship as a way to start mending the rift.

  2. Robyn Wright

    Do I need to give a wedding gift if the bride never sent thank yous for the higher end shower gifts she received.

    • Daniel Post Senning

      While the bride may not have shown the care she should, you should not respond in kind. The old saying about two wrongs still applies and it is customary to always reply to a wedding invitation with a gift.

    • Daniel Post Senning

      Generally, it is in poor taste to “uninvite” someone and it should not be done as a matter of preference. Of course if there is a clear reason that you cannot host someone, and it is not simply a matter of personal preference but of necessity, then give them an honest and respectful explanation of why it is so. You might apologize, explain, and try to move on as quickly as possible.

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