Open thread

by EPI Staff on June 2, 2009

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This open thread is your space to use as you like.  We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Aileen Marsceill June 2, 2009 at 5:00 am

My daughter is about to turn 1 and my husband and I are planning on having a party for her. We are planning a small party with just family and friends. I read a post about how to state no presents please….however I was wondering if there is a way to ask specifically for something. We would really like to expand our daughter’s library at home so instead of toys and clothes we would like people to bring their favorite children’s book and write something inside to her so that as she grows she can expand her knowledge. Is this ok? Or is this and Etiquette no-no? HELP!!!

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Daniel Post Senning June 2, 2009 at 9:00 am

While this is a nice idea, it is an “etiquette no-no”. The focus of an invitation should be the request that someone else attend. A request for “no gifts” keeps this focus. Direction about types of gifts should be avoided. The request itself is perfectly reasonable and you could get the word out by simply letting family and friends know that you are hoping to encourage reading with your child and would like to make this the theme for gifts at her first birthday. You might make mention of this when you are confirming numbers or when you see guests in other contexts. You can also share this info through word of mouth by asking close friends you know are coming to spread the news to others they might see. Good luck with the rest of your planning!

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Kay June 2, 2009 at 10:14 am

What’s the proper etiquette for monogramming cocktail napkins at a bridal luncheon?

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Daniel Post Senning June 4, 2009 at 10:46 am

For a bridal luncheon you would use the bride’s maiden initials. This is true of the wedding invitation as well. A bride should not use her married initials until after she is married.

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Valerie June 2, 2009 at 3:42 pm

I was recently invited to a party where the invitation stated, “no gifts please”. I was asked by another invitee to go in on a gift for the birthday girl. Do most people still bring gifts to a party where the host has requested none be brought?

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Daniel Post Senning June 3, 2009 at 10:47 am

It is best to honor the request for “no gifts please” when it is made. Most people do not bring gifts anyway and this is a good thing to keep in mind when you feel the generosity gene is starting to kick in. Just a few days ago (June 1st) there was a comment in the open thread about this. A number of problems can arise when some people are giving gifts and others are not or only one person has a gift for the other. There are reasons people make these requests and they should be acknowledged and respected. Now you can go enjoy the party and feel good about honoring your host’s request.

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Maryann June 2, 2009 at 7:31 pm

Can you tell me if a junior bridesmaid’s need a partner and if so does he have to be the same age? Or can he be an older brother?

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Daniel Post Senning June 3, 2009 at 10:39 am

This choice is entirely up to you. Any of the options that you mention would be fine; it is entirely a matter of which is your preference.

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Diane June 4, 2009 at 11:41 am

I am looking for a basic etiquette/good manners book. Something on how to respond when you have received a monetary gift at a party or how to introduce people to others. Thank you.

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Daniel Post Senning June 4, 2009 at 1:03 pm

You can click anywhere on this text link and it will take you to the Emily Post Bookstore on Amazon. This link is also on the right hand column. I recommend Emily Post’s Etiquette 17th edition. This is the general etiquette reference book and covers all the basics. Excuse Me, But I Was Next… is also a great quick and fun read about the most commonly asked etiquette questions.

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