emily post photobook press

Open thread

by EPI Staff on May 22, 2009

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This is your space to use as you like.  We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Bridget May 23, 2009 at 6:16 am

Wondering what the proper way to make requests for gifts on a baby’s first birthday invitation might be. The Mother is a single mother and wants to purchase a specific item and would rather have money to put toward this item than gifts that won’t get used. Can she also put requests such as “no stuffed animals” please on the invitation as the child is prone to allergies and for obvious reasons doesn’t want stuffed toys to sit around.
Thank you in advance for your help.

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Daniel Post Senning May 26, 2009 at 12:17 pm

The general rule is to avoid making mention of gift preferences on an invitation. The thinking of the mother sounds reasonable and would offer sound direction to party attendees. We recommend that she spread the word among family and friends verbally, asking those who know each other to pass the information along. She could also call and talk with guests about her preferences as she confirms numbers for the party and arrival or departure times. This is a situation where friends like you familiar with the situation can be invaluable in helping to get the word out and by getting guests on board with the mother’s wishes.

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Jenna May 23, 2009 at 7:05 pm

“When hosting a grand catered event (wedding/christening/communion etc.) should the host expect there guests to cover the cost of there plate?”
I was trying to find where to submit this question so not sure if it is going in the right hands to be answered but thanks for responding.

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Daniel Post Senning May 26, 2009 at 12:26 pm

There is an old myth that a wedding present should cost as much as the dinner served at the wedding. This may have been a handy way for some people to decide how much to spend on a present but should not be confused with a rule to be followed by guests or hosts. There is no expectation that the cost of an event be balanced by the value of the gifts that the guests bring.

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A Fraser May 24, 2009 at 12:37 pm

I have always been taught to open the door for female companions. I have recently been told, however, that, when entering public places, I should go through the door first. Please advise.

Also, going up stairs, have been told I should go first so as not to be behind the lady looking at her behind. Again, please advise.

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Daniel Post Senning May 26, 2009 at 12:51 pm

Questions about gender roles and expectations about how those roles are acted out in public have changed greatly in the last few years. Fortunately good etiquette always remains the same. Treat all people with respect, honesty, and consideration and you will be fine.
Holding a door for someone can be such a gracious gesture. I find if I make a practice of holding a door for all people when I get there first, it makes the choice of whether to hold a door for a woman less awkward. I find myself assisting parents with children, the elderly, and people who are carrying things just by adopting the attitude that I will try to help make way for anyone. If there is a question you can always say, “May I get that for you?”
As for climbing stairs, the person who reaches the stairs first may go first. If you are with a woman who is wearing heals, you might want to offer her the banister or handrail. Of course you want to mind your line of sight whatever situation you find yourself in. You should always watch that your gaze does not make those around you uncomfortable.

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