Q: Is there a time frame when it’s appropriate to have an engagement party? My fiancé and I became engaged in February but our wedding is not until next May. His parents would like to host an outdoor party for us at their house in the late summer or early fall but we don’t want it to seem premature.
A: Engagement parties are held close to the time of the engagement, not the wedding. It’s a chance for the families to announce the happy news and for relatives and friends to meet and congratulate the couple. Traditionally, the hosts (typically the bride’s parents) would announce the engagement at the party, which would be a surprise to the assembled guests. Your future in-laws have made a kind gesture—offer thanks and encourage them to hold the party whenever they would like.
For more on wedding etiquette, check out Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette, 5th Ed. by Peggy Post.
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It must be springtime. The Institute is starting to see more and more questions about wedding planning and engagement parties.
Is a present expected at an engagement party?
Engagement parties do not carry the same expectation of a gift that a wedding does. Although it is true that in some parts of the country gift giving at engagement parties is becoming more and more common it has not yet become a standard.
A gift is usually not expected at an engagement party.
I have a nephew getting married next May. Her parents are giving them a engagement party. At their engagement party the parents of the bride-to-be are presenting them with their champagne flutes to be used at the wedding reception. Should the parents of the groom-to-be also give a gift. We’ve be searching all day for a answer but found none. Can you help?
The traditions around gift giving at engagement parties vary some depending on the region of the country you are in. In some places it is quite common and in other places it is less so. There is no set rule about this. We do suggest avoiding opening gifts publicly if not everyone is bringing something. In this case it sounds like the parents of the bride are preparing a special presentation of an engagement gift as a featured part of the party and would not be opening a selection of gifts like at a shower or birthday. It would be fine for the parents of the groom to do something similar but it is not an expected part of the wedding tradition.
In response to Jane:
Presents are never “required.” If the parents of the bride are giving the couple toasting flutes, I think a lovely idea would be for the parents of the groom to give a beautiful cake knife and server. Sterling would be wonderful. I would check with the bride’s parents to see if the bride has this or if there’s a family sterling pattern, etc., before proceeding.
This is a very nice suggestion. Thank you.
My neice just became engaged, what is the protocal for a gift? I am also her godmother.
If you are invited to an engagement party you could bring the gift with you. You could also send the engagement gift to your niece with best wishes from her ecstatic godmother. The tradition of giving an engagement gift is not as established as that of giving a wedding present although in some regions it is becoming quite common. Usually these gifts are smaller and less expensive than the wedding present which should still follow.
My son is now engaged to a wonderful gal. Both families are large and both have many friends. The wedding is going to be very small, but everything I’m reading says DO NOT invite to an engagement party unless invited to a wedding. Would it be inappropriate to host an informal Meet and Greet?