Q: Would it be appropriate to ask my mother (my best friend who has been through everything with me, including an awful divorce) to be my matron of honor? I cannot think of anyone else I would rather have by my side.
A: Sure, it’s perfectly appropriate to have your mom as your matron of honor. Talk it over with her, though, since she may feel she has a lot responsibilities as mother-of-the-bride that would make it hard for her to be a 100% attentive matron of honor. If she decides both “jobs” are just too much to juggle, you will both know, nonetheless, that she will be by your side in spirit, with great love for you, feeling very honored by your suggestion.
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Q: For Mother’s Day, my siblings and I usually give a group gift. This year, we want to get Mom a dishwasher, but our older brother thinks that’s too expensive How can we get him to chip in?
A: Choose a mediator (perhaps the sibling he’s closest too) who can get a feel for what’s going on. Is your brother a tightwad, or is he just strapped for cash? If he’s broke, not cheap, maybe he could be allowed to contribute less than the rest of you do this year. Or, you could ask him to suggest less expensive gifts that she might like just as much. If there’s no good compromise, however, tell your brother you’re proceeding with the dishwasher plan. Deliver the present to your mother when your brother isn’t there, and give her a card signed by those who did contribute.
Welcome to Etiquette Daily
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Q: How should I handle nosy questions such as, “How much money do you make?” or “What did you pay for your house?”
A: Some people, even ones you barely know, have no qualms about asking personal questions about money. Instead of responding with, “None of your business,” deflect the question with humor. When asked, “How much do you make?” respond with, “My boss thinks he’s paying plenty.” Or if asked, “How much did you pay for that car?” say, “We broke the bank, that’s for sure.” If you prefer a direct approach, say, “I’d rather not talk about that.” Or “Why do you ask?” That should at least give the person pause.
Welcome to Etiquette Daily
This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
Q: How do I invite others to a restaurant but let them know that they will have to pay for their own meals?
A: You can’t be the host and ask your guests to pay. Decide whether you want to host an event or just organize a gathering of friends, with everyone paying his share. Communicate your intent carefully — “John, would you and Ellen like to meet us at Miramar’s on Saturday night? We’re asking Frank and Jill to come, too. We thought it would be fun for the six of us to enjoy a night out together. Just let me know if you can make it, and I’ll make the reservation.” By posing it this way, you are the social coordinator rather than the host. As host, you would send a written invitation or say, “We’re hosting a dinner for Susan at Jackson’s Grill. Can you join us as our guest?”
Welcome to Etiquette Daily
This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.
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