Views on Bringing Booze : Can you write on an invite that the party is B.Y.O.B?

Q. My husband and I are having an open house, but with our budget we will be unable to afford a multitude of alcohol. Is it inappropriate to state on the invitation for our guest to b.y.o.b?

A. Technically, events at which guests are asked to bring or pay for food or drinks are organized, not hosted. BYOB and pot luck affairs are normally used for very casual, last-minute entertaining and allow friends to have a fun time while spreading the costs.

In your case, BYOB would not be the gracious choice. If you can’t afford alcohol, then serve those beverages that you can afford such as soft drinks, beer or wine, or mix a holiday punch that can stretch a small amount of alcohol a long way

Open Thread

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

Open Thread

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

Dining Disagreement : When should a server clear the table ?

Q. A person with whom I’m acquainted insists, when we’re in casual restaurants, that all persons at our table must be through with their meals before servers may pick up any finished plate in front of any of us. The custom nowadays seems to be that servers do collect used plates, rather than leave them sitting in front of us. My acquaintance berates any of us who allow our finished plates to be removed, and will tell the server, in no uncertain terms, to leave the plates alone. What is the real story on this ?

A. The trouble is in your friend’s response to the situation. The waiter has probably been trained to remove plates when the individual diners are through. It is a bit more gracious, and the custom in more formal restaurants, for the table to be cleared at the end of each course, when the diners all are through, so no one feels rushed.

Talk to your friend before your next outing and tell her that you understand what she is trying to do – have a gracious table atmosphere where no one feels rushed, but suggest that handle it a bit differently. She could quietly and discreetly ask the server to wait to clear the table. If she really has a problem with the way the restaurant runs their dining room or instructs their waiters, she should address her complaint to the management.