Name Game : What to do when you change your maiden name?

Q. I recently got married and am planning on changing my last name to my husbands. I wonder, what is the proper etiquette in communicating my name change to my colleagues? Am I suppose to send out an email to my colleagues overseas about my name change? Do I tell them I got married? I don’t know these people well only via email. I cant seem to find the answer to my question anywhere. Please help! A sketch of an email would be very helpful.

A. The best way to communicate your name change is to communicate using your first, maiden and married name –
Jane Smith Doe, for a period of time, even up to a year. People will then learn to recognize your name and eventually you can drop the Smith and just be Jane Doe.  This way you don’t have to alert business acquaintances with a formal communication. Of course you may notify them and simply change your name now, if you prefer. You would write:
I have recently married and wanted to let you know that I have changed my last name to Doe so that when you next hear from me as Jane Doe you will know it is still me.

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Baby Shower Situation : Who should throw a baby shower?

Q. My daughter is expecting her second child in December. She has a few friends, some co-workers, and lots of family, but I don’t think any of them are in a position to throw a baby shower for her. Would it be indelicate or otherwise rude for me to throw the shower for my daughter?

A. At one time, moms, grandmothers and sisters of the mom-to-be did not give showers. The reason for this is that a shower is a required-gift event, and it isn’t considered polite to request gifts for one’s adult children. Showers were customarily given by a friend or a friend of the family, or a more distant relative than a mom, grandmother, or sister. However, by today’s standards, it is fine for a mother to do so if she chooses.

Open Thread

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

Envelope Etiquette : How to address a bride using her maiden name

Q. My daughter is getting married next July. I have always used my maiden name, not my husband’s name. How should the invitation read? Should we use Ms. with my name and Mr. with his? Should our names be on the same line? I have not been able to find any wedding etiquette book or article that deals with this issue. They tell you how to address and envelope if the female uses her maiden name, but not how an invitation should read. Thanks for your help.

A. A married couple’s names should always appear on the same line:


Mr. John Henry Doe and Ms. Sarah Austin James
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Emily Elizabeth Doe
and
Mr. Paul Atherton Jones
(etc)